Okay - I'm behind on my blog writing.  Tough.  That's exactly why I didn't sign up for NaBloPoMo and only decided I'd do the 30 Days of Truth this month at my own pace...kinda.  However, there is something more important I have to write about today.  So, tomorrow you will hear Days 18 - 20.  You will hear all about my views on Gay Marriage, Religion, Politics and Drugs and Alcohol.  Excited?  I'm not really.  

I am excited about today, though.  Today is my oldest son's 5th birthday.  I've been a mommy for 5 years and I've learned SO much in those 5 years - I've also met some amazing people, too.  The most amazing ones being the 4 little ones that now call me Mommy.  :)

I probably remember the least about Nate's actual birth.  Not only because more time has past since he was born but also because I had no idea what I was doing.  I had gone to the childbirth classes.  I had read book after book on what to expect.  I talked to family and friends.  I watched countless episodes of A Baby Story. None of it prepared me for it.  None of it really got the point across at how much it was going to hurt or how tired I was going to be or how much I was going to want it to just be over.  Nothing could prepare me for how much my life would change, either.  

The second I saw him, I was in love.  The first time they gave him to me to hold . . . I knew that my life had a brand new purpose and meaning.  I had a new priority...a new #1 priority - which is insane to think about.  You go from having all of these things that you have to do on a daily basis to having just one major thing to worry about 24 hours a day.

I worried more with Nate than I did with any of the others.  It isn't that I don't worry when one of them is sick or falls or is acting kind of funny.  I do.  With Nate, though, I had this gripping fear that I was going to either break him somehow or that I was going to cause irreparable damage to him. 

 I also thought that every little thing wrong was a sign of something worse.  If he was too tired to eat, I cried because he was refusing to nurse.  Which meant that  he wasn't going to get enough to eat and he was going to end up in the hospital dehydrated!  If he sighed while sleeping, I was convinced that he was going to stop breathing and I would stay up while he slept (which anyone with a newborn knows is a REALLY bad idea) just to make sure that he was breathing.  Nate got me over all of those things.  He made me realize that babies are a little bit tougher than they look and that I really could take care of one without causing any harm!

I remember feeling slightly nervous that I wasn't being fair to Nate by having Danika so soon after he was born.  He is an amazing big brother, though.  When he was leaving for school this morning, he actually told Danika that it was her turn to play with his new Buzz Lightyear birthday present...until he got home, that is.  :) He is such an awesome kid.

Dear Nate,

  

     I can't believe that you are 5 years old already!  You are so smart that it amazes me.  You are starting to read more and more.  You are starting to actually ask real questions and comprehend the answers.  All the things I learned about in my Early Childhood and Child Development classes, I see you going through them.  (Ask me about scaffolding someday and hopefully, I will remember the answer and tell you what I'm talking about).  

  

   You are also very sensitive.  I remember when you saw me crying at the end of Toy Story 3 and asked me why.  When I told you it was because I was thinking about when you were going to go to college someday, you started crying too and told me that you were never leaving...I wish that were true but I know that you will grow up even more and I really am excited to see the man that you are going to become - just don't rush it, okay?

  

   You have been trying more and more foods and liking them!  You are starting to try all kinds of new things.  This year you started going to The Good Shepard program (church school - as you call it) and you have been telling me about the things that you do there.  You even got excited when I told you that we are planning on getting our butts back to church this Advent season!  

    I want to thank you for all that you do to help me - you really are a help when it comes to the twins and even Danika.  You finally stopped complaining when I ask you to buckle her in when we get into the van.  It's such a big help!  You also make me smile and make me feel loved - which is such a wonderful gift!

    I will never forget how excited you were last night before bed...knowing that today was your birthday.  I will never forget the look on your face when you saw your birthday present this morning.  I will never forget the hug and kiss you gave me after you opened it.  I hope that you have an AMAZING birthday weekend!  I'm so excited to share it with you.

I love you.

Love,

Mommy