Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Why Imperfection?

I've been thinking a lot about my blog title - Perfecting Imperfection.  At first, I chose it because I thought it was witty and kind of cute...now I'm seeing more and more how it's also a very good fit.  I am not perfect.  I've never claimed to be and I'm certainly not going to start right now.  Actually, I find it easy to admit I was wrong and just move on more and more these days because my priorities have shifted greatly and I don't have time to worry about being right anymore.  My new priorities are the most important I've ever had in my life - they are my precious children and they are really all that matter...along with DH, of course...and the rest of my family.  :)

Anyway, as I was saying, I am not perfect.  I have accepted the fact that I will always have debt, dirty laundry to do and 10-15lbs or more that I could lose.  I will always be at least a little tired and more often than not will have roots that need dyed.  My house will not always be neat and orderly.  In fact, it will probably look like a tornado went through it most days and even some nights (when I'm too exhausted to put it back together before going to bed).  Some nights I will order pizza for dinner and some days we will not get out of our pajamas ALL DAY LONG!  I will probably forget some birthdays that I meant to remember (I am so horrible with this) and be looking for something that I lost a week ago and still haven't found.  I am not organized.  I do not have it together.

I often hear the comment, "You really have your hands full, don't you?"

I always lie and tell people, "It's not that bad."

I guess it's not a complete and total lie.  It can be bad - if I let it get to me.  If I sit and think about all the ways my life isn't "perfect" or even "almost perfect", I will most certainly have some kind of a breakdown.  Those days do happen.  I have days where I think about how much easier life would have been if we would only have Nate...or would have stopped after Danika.  We are so outnumbered.  We are overwhelmed.  We are on the verge of insanity some days...

We are also so blessed.  We are so loved.  We are overjoyed - as if it is possible to have too much joy in one's life.  As many times as I think about how our life would have been easier without the twins I also think about how our life is fuller with them.  Our life is full of more happiness, more love and more laughter because of them. I can imagine life without them but I don't want to.  I mean just LOOK at them!

I will say that I count my blessings daily.  I am so incredibly lucky that all of my children are healthy.  I am so blessed that I am in a happy marriage.  I have everything that I need and some things that I don't need but am lucky enough to enjoy anyway.  So, when the days come when I feel like I'm becoming sucked in by the insanity I remind myself of these things.  My problems will pass - each day will end with the possibility of tomorrow being better...not perfect because I don't expect perfection - in fact I'm getting better at imperfection...not getting better at being imperfect but getting better at enjoying it.