I didn't sleep well last night. I was tired. I was REALLY tired. I tossed and turned all night, though. Then . . . at about 1 o'clock in the morning, I woke Jerry up because I needed a hug and someone to tell me everything was going to be okay. I went into Nate and Danika's room to check on them . . . and started crying. It's going to be a long month.
I think all that happened for a few reasons. First of all, last night's blog post. It was overly mushy about how much I love my kids. It was true and I love the post but it made me feel a little vulnerable about the ages they are right now and the changes coming up. Then, there is the recent news stories. . .
I don't watch the news. It's too depressing. It usually isn't very inspiring and almost always makes me feel anxious about something. I have, however, been using a new app on my iPhone (SkyGrid) to keep somewhat current. I don't read too many articles in depth - just the headlines. I have been reading a lot about the Norway shootings. I read an article last night about a mother sitting at home receiving text messages from her daughter who was pleading for her to send the police because their was a maniac shooting people. Her daughter even told her that she knows she misbehaves sometimes . . . but she loves her.
The thing that probably pushed me over the edge, though . . . the thing that I'm sure was the main reason I didn't get any sleep last night . . . Nate's Kindergarten registration came in on Tuesday. It came with his room assignment, his teacher's name (he has Mr. D!! I'm really excited that he'll have a male teacher - I think it will be great for him!) and this 6 digit number that I have to help him memorize. He has to be at school at 8:50 am and will be done at 3:10 pm. Which means, he will be gone all day. He will be on his own. Not really . . . but kinda.
I know that he is ready. I know that this will be great for him and that he will do wonderful. I also know I'm going to be a basket case. I'm pretty sure that I'm not going to handle it as well as I thought I would. I was thinking that I would be excited about him learning new things and that I would be excited to help him because I love school. The truth is, though, that right now I am more worried about the fact that I won't be there if he needs me. I think that (or hope that) once I meet his teacher and know his bus schedule and see his classroom, I will feel better. I taught Kindergarten for a year. I know that the kids need a lot of help but I also know that they were all fine. He will be fine, too. I'm just not sure how much sleep I'm going to lose over it . . . or how fine I will be that first time I drive away from the school and leave him in the care of someone else.