Thursday, July 28, 2011

Speaking of giving up sleep . . .

I didn't sleep well last night.  I was tired.  I was REALLY tired.  I tossed and turned all night, though.  Then . . . at about 1 o'clock in the morning, I woke Jerry up because I needed a hug and someone to tell me everything was going to be okay.  I went into Nate and Danika's room to check on them . . . and started crying.  It's going to be a long month.

I think all that happened for a few reasons.  First of all, last night's blog post.  It was overly mushy about how much I love my kids.  It was true and I love the post but it made me feel a little vulnerable about the ages they are right now and the changes coming up.  Then, there is the recent news stories. . . 

I don't watch the news.  It's too depressing.  It usually isn't very inspiring and almost always makes me feel anxious about something.  I have, however, been using a new app on my iPhone (SkyGrid) to keep somewhat current.  I don't read too many articles in depth - just the headlines.  I have been reading a lot about the Norway shootings.  I read an article last night about a mother sitting at home receiving text messages from her daughter who was pleading for her to send the police because their was a maniac shooting people.  Her daughter even told her that she knows she misbehaves sometimes . . . but she loves her.  

The thing that probably pushed me over the edge, though . . . the thing that I'm sure was the main reason I didn't get any sleep last night . . . Nate's Kindergarten registration came in on Tuesday.  It came with his room assignment, his teacher's name (he has Mr. D!!  I'm really excited that he'll have a male teacher - I think it will be great for him!) and this 6 digit number that I have to help him memorize.  He has to be at school at 8:50 am and will be done at 3:10 pm.  Which means, he will be gone all day.  He will be on his own.  Not really . . . but kinda.  

I know that he is ready.  I know that this will be great for him and that he will do wonderful.  I also know I'm going to be a basket case.  I'm pretty sure that I'm not going to handle it as well as I thought I would.  I was thinking that I would be excited about him learning new things and that I would be excited to help him because I love school.  The truth is, though, that right now I am more worried about the fact that I won't be there if he needs me.  I think that (or hope that) once I meet his teacher and know his bus schedule and see his classroom, I will feel better.  I taught Kindergarten for a year.  I know that the kids need a lot of help but I also know that they were all fine.  He will be fine, too.  I'm just not sure how much sleep I'm going to lose over it . . . or how fine I will be that first time I drive away from the school and leave him in the care of someone else.