Perfecting Imperfection

 On Friday - well...Nate and Danika spent the night at Grammie and Nunnu's.  So, the elves relaxed a little!



We have been having so much fun with our elves - every morning is like Christmas around here!  Nate's first words to me in the morning are usually, "Mommy - can we go see what the elves did last night?"  Then, "And can I open the next door on my Advent Calendar and eat the chocolate?"  hehehe

Oh what fun!

Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself


I have said from some of the very first "Truths" that I don't like to talk about myself too much.  However ~ this is the LAST one of these.  I'm all for moving on to posts about Christmas and Christmasy things.  :)  We even have a little snow on the ground this morning!  Nothing like the white stuff to put you in a winter/holiday mood!


Okay ~ here's my letter.


Dear Janene,


     Your kids are so lucky to have you as their mom.  It's amazing how much you love them and have enough love to share with all 4 of them!  I know that you were worried about treating them all the same but you do.  They are also really lucky to have a mom that realized early on that this is their childhood and you have to make it special.  It's up to you to make sure that they have great memories.  By creating special memories with them now and showing them how magical and wonderful everyday can be, you are helping them to cherish what is important.  Hopefully, they will continue some of their favorite traditions with their own families someday - but at least they will hopefully enjoy life when they are older, too.  


     Your husband is also really lucky to have you as his wife.  You aren't perfect and you definitely have some things that you could do better but you are willing to learn.  You want to make him happy and you try really hard to do just that.  You aren't the best cook - but he never really goes hungry (except on those days when you underestimated how much the kids were going to like your dinner...good thing there are almost always leftovers of what they didn't like the night before for him to heat up).  You understand that marriage is a team effort and that you have to work with each other to make it work.  He's lucky that he doesn't have a wife who is always complaining about what's wrong - but usually looks at what is right...sometimes more than he does.  You balance each other perfectly.


     Finally, the fact that you are so very nostalgic and sentimental makes you such an amazing person to know.  We will undoubtedly be breaking out Bing Crosby's White Christmas in the upcoming weeks because it reminds you of your Nunni at Christmas.  Jerry will fall asleep on the couch while we watch it...but you will wake him up at the very end to snuggle when it finally starts to snow.  We will also be watching Emmet Otter because it reminds you of your childhood.  You will probably force your husband to turn the TV off one night and listen to Christmas music with only the tree and other Christmas lights on and a nice cup of Hot Chocolate.  You will be planning your trip to the beach months before you actually go this summer because it is the beach you remember going to when you were little and you will want your kids to have the same kind of experiences you had...because those are the good memories that you have from your childhood, thanks to your amazing parents.  


Stay the way you are - and don't try too hard to become perfect because you are doing an awesome job at perfecting the art of imperfection.  :)


Love,
Janene


PS - Now that this is written...I kind of don't want anyone to read it.  I did say that I was going to do this, though.  I will be reading EVERY question from now on if I ever decide to do something like this again.   

Okay...after this post I only have one more post with theses "truths".  It was fun for a while but I'm too excited about other things going on that I want to write about and this is starting to be a bit of a chore.  Here it goes, though, Day 28 and Day 29:

Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do? 


If I were pregnant I would be totally panicked and would ask for an immediate ultrasound.  Last time I was pregnant I didn't get an ultrasound until I was 18 weeks pregnant.  So, for the first 18 weeks of my pregnancy I didn't realize there were 2 babies in there and not just 1.  The reasoning for not having an earlier ultrasound was simply that I had been pregnant twice before and if nothing seemed wrong, it wasn't necessary.  I was originally suppose to wait until 24 weeks - but the OB started to notice that I was a bit bigger than I should be...they didn't hear 2 heartbeats or anything...just that I was measuring big.


The chances of me being or getting pregnant are REALLY slim.  I'm not going to say it's impossible - because I know better than that...but I would be REALLY surprised if it did happen.  It wouldn't change things, though.  We'd just be a family of 7 or 8 instead of 6.  :)



Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.


I really hope that someday I become a morning person.  I know it's doubtful, but I would get so much more done if I was motivated at 9 am instead of 9 pm.  Maybe, if I ever get a full night's sleep in my bed with just my hubby stealing the sheets, it will happen...


Now, I'm off to do blog post #2 for today...wait until you see what Tinsel and Holly did this weekend!

Okay ~ let's get Day 27 out of the way.  I have to admit that the first 2 to 2 1/2 weeks of this was kind of fun.  Now it's getting to be a bit annoying.  I don't think the questions are as good as the first ones - but I'm going to finish.  Only 3 more to go after today!  Whoo Hoo!


Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?


Obviously, my good looks.  Right?  hehehe  Just kidding.  The best thing going for me right now is my marriage.  It's amazing to feel like you are part of a team and know that, even when the other person is ticked off at you, they still love you.  I won't lie...I think marrying Jerry is the best decision I ever made. 


I also know that a lot of the other things I have going for me are because I married Jerry.  I have some awesome kids...if one of them happens to end up with an amazing talent that makes them lots and lots of money and buys me a brand new house, it's because I married Jerry.  I have my Masters because Jerry encouraged me to go back and finish it.  I have just about everything because he works hard to make sure that his family is provided for ~ he even works on Saturdays...which totally stinks but is just the way it is right now.  :(


Now, on to what those sneaky elves did last night...




The picture was taken from my cell phone, so you have to excuse the quality, but look what Tinsel and Holly did last night!!!  Nate and Danika were thrilled to see that they did such an awesome job coloring this Toy Story 3 picture.  :)


We are having a blast with them - Nate said to me this morning, "Look, Mommy, can you believe it?  They colored my picture!"  


In other news - I've decided to quarantine  my family today.  3 out of 4 are coughing and have runny noses.  1 was puking last night.  All of them look exhausted and sound horrible.  So - we are all staying home in hopes of getting better.  It really stinks because I had so many things planned and a few offers for other things to do, too!  The one that has me most bummed out is that I'm going to end up missing my cousin's wife's baby shower.  :(  I don't want to get anyone sick, though and I'm starting to feel a little tickle in my throat, too.  The only good thing I can think of is that maybe this will mean we will all be healthy at Christmas!  

Interesting question...the truth is I have thought about it.  However, I never really seriously thought about it...at least I don't think it was really seriously.  Last summer was a tough one for me emotionally and I felt like staying in bed all the time and wanted everyone to just leave me alone for a few days...but that is probably the extent of me wanting to give up.

As far as what I think this question is REALLY asking - I don't think I would be able to commit suicide.  I can't say that I KNOW I NEVER would - because I can think of a few things that would make me feel like there wasn't a reason to live...but I hope those things would never happen or if they did I would find the strength to pull through them...you can read more about that here.

So...that's it for this question...I'm off to write another post (yes, another post right after I wrote this one) because I don't want to put them together today...I want to keep this depressing post here and make the next one a happy post!  Stay tuned!

So ~ tomorrow is Thanksgiving.  But I'm sure you knew that already.  I have been catching up on some blog reading and decided I had to jump on the bandwagon and write a post about what I'm Thankful For.  Hence, the title of this blog post and the following list of things (all of which are things I am Thankful For - in no particular order...for the most part.)

• My Husband (You have to scroll to the bottom to read about him ~ if you click on the link, that is)
• My Children
• My Parents
• My in-laws (seriously, I have AWESOME in-laws...and I'm not just sucking up because some of them happen to read my blog now and then)
• Having a roof over our head (even though I'm hoping it's a different roof when I'm writing next year's "What I'm Thankful For" post)
• Having food to eat 
• Nutella (a special thanks to my friend over at What Little Girls are Made Of for introducing me to this through her blog post about it)
• My job and the wonderful women I work with (I couldn't ask for a better place to work or better people!)
• My students (I can't tell you how awesome it is to be around 3 and 4 year olds all day!)
• My cell phone 
• My computer
• My TV, DVR and OnDemand (without these things, I would feel more out of touch than I normally do most days)
• My Blog (it's my creative outlet and helps me feel a little more normal)
• Speaking of feeling normal, Citalopram and Buproprin
• Peppermint Mocha Coffee-Mate (although Starbuck's Peppermint Mocha is better...this helps me to feel like it isn't necessary to spend more than $4.00 for a cup of coffee to enjoy it!)
• Stella, Hot Mama
• Everyday...I'm thankful for everyday I get to spend with my family and everyday I get to make more memories. 

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I will be "unplugging" tomorrow, though.  No blogging, no Facebook, no unnecessary texting, no Twitter...I'm going to focus on my family and spend time with them making memories. I'm hoping to take a lot of pictures to share with you when I do plug back in on Friday.

Which brings me to tomorrow's truth -

Day 25:  The Reason You Believe You are Still Alive Today...




No doubt in my mind that they are the reason.

Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life. 


I wish I had traveled more and to farther away places before I had my kids.  I know that there is still time and a chance that I will travel later in life - but I kind of wish I would have already done it so I could tell my kids about all the wonderful places I went...Jerry and I are already talking about starting a savings account (something out of the way that we only put a little bit here and there in) to pay for a trip to Europe after Dean and David leave for college!  hehehe

Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)


This became REALLY difficult for me.  I had it all figured out who I was going to write my letter to ~ and then the playlist got OUT OF CONTROL!   Anyway, here it goes...


Dear Danika,


     I have to tell you the truth...I didn't think I wanted a daughter.  I know that sounds awful but I tell you this because I was wrong.  I am totally willing to admit it.  I couldn't have been more wrong.  I was so nervous that you were going to be like me.  I think that's pretty common with mothers and daughters.  Mothers always want more for the daughters.  I was (and still am) worried that you will end up getting hurt for being too caring (which really sucks) or being overly dramatic like I was when I was younger.  I was the original drama queen ~ so, when daddy tells you to stop being so dramatic, you could probably remind him that you get it honestly...from your mother.


     I thought about all of the different directions I could go with this "playlist".  I thought about how I could make it about being a strong woman - because there are songs about that all over my iPod.  I thought about making it all the sappy songs I love - I'm a total romantic and have more "love" songs than you could listen to in one night.  I also thought about making it tell a story of some sort...like songs I loved when I was little to songs I love today.  I more or less went with that one - to put it simply, this is a mix of songs that make me smile.  Some have a story behind them...some don't.  I hope that they make you smile, too....and maybe will remind you of me.


I love you and I am so happy that you are my daughter...I'm so happy that God knew that I needed a daughter to help me survive all the testosterone around here...I'm so happy that you are who you are and that you amaze me every day!


Love,
Mom


Danika's Playlist (this playlist now exists on my iPod!)


1) Daydream Believer - The Monkeys
2)You Can't Always Get What You Want - The Rolling Stones
3) When You Say Nothing at All - Alison Kraus
4) Time and Time Again - The Counting Crows
5) The Catch - The Cure
6) Friday, I'm in Love - Dryden Mitchell
7) I'll Back You Up - Dave Matthews Band
8) You and Me - Dave Matthews Band
9) I Believe in Love - Dixie Chicks
10) I Cross My Heart - George Straight
11) Hold On - Michael Buble
12) Ex-Girlfriend - No Doubt
13) No One Said it Would Be Easy - Sheryl Crow
14) Tiny Dancer - Elton John
15) No One - Alicia Keys
16) Feel Like Makin' Love - Bad Company
17) You're the One That I Want - Grease Soundtrack
18) Little Moments - Brad Paisley
19)  Love Hurts - Nazareth
20) Love is a Battlefield - Pat Benatar
21) Again - Lenny Kravitz
22)  Somebody - Depeche Mode

I decided to skip yesterday and do Day 21 and 22 today.  First, because I can.  Second, because the question for Day 21 just didn't seem to be enough to write a whole blog post on...I was going to try ~ but by the time I got around to being able to turn the computer on I was just too tired.  Plus, I didn't want to fall asleep thinking about car accidents - I had a bad enough dream without thinking about them...


Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? 

I don't like this question.  I don't like it because my best friend is my husband and I don't like thinking about him being in a car accident.  If it happened an hour after we had a fight, I would feel horribly guilty - even if I was right and he was wrong (which is always the case, right?  hehehe).  Of course, I would be a wreck and rush to his side - as soon as I took care of the kiddos.

Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

This question is a little tough, too.  I truly believe that everything that I have done has made me into the person I am today with the life I have today - and I'm not sure I would want to chance things being any different.  It's funny because I was reading my friend's husband's blog - Life's Frozen Moments - and I thought about all the times that I look around and try to mentally record what is going on because I don't want to ever forget how happy I am right now.  I don't want to forget what it's like to have a baby that is mine to hold and a little one that comes to me when he/she is upset or happy.  I know the teenage years are going to be different and I will miss these years...maybe I'll have a different answer then. Yesterday, however, I was walking out of the movie theater bathroom with Danika and she was singing and hopping around.  A woman walking behind us said, "Oh honey, treasure these moments."  I told her I'm trying my best to do just that...

If I had to pick something, though, I would probably say that I wish I wouldn't have just gone for the c-section with the twins.  I wish that I would have tried to just be induced and see how it went.  I did the c-section for a few reasons...because David was so much smaller than Dean and he was Frank Breech . . . I also thought that having a c-section would be easier - I am not a big fan of contractions.  To tell you the truth, healing from a c-section sucks.  I think in my mind I thought it would be easy...it wasn't.  So ~ I would probably do that differently...I kind of wish I hadn't had the c-section.

Okay...let's get this over with.  If it's one thing I'm not comfortable doing it's talking about religion or politics...I'm not exactly excited to share my views on gay marriage or drugs and alcohol either - you may remember me mentioning I'm super non-confrontational?  That's why.  So, here it goes anyway...it'll be quick and hopefully painless.

Day 18: Your views on gay marriage. 


My views on gay marriage?  I've been thinking about how to put that so that I don't sound like an idiot or like I'm extremely self-centered but it's just not happening so I'll just say it.  It doesn't really matter to me.  I had some gay friends when I was in college.  They were nice.  They were very accepting of me and they were very fun to hang out with.  They were actually a lot nicer than some of the straight people I knew in college.  I would want them to be as happy as they could possibly be...and if getting married would make them happy then I feel that they should be able to get married.  However, I don't currently have any gay friends...and it isn't a pressing issue in my life right now...so, I'm not overly vocal about it.  


I guess when it comes down to it, I would support gay marriage if it were important to someone I cared about.  I don't oppose it - but it isn't really an issue that I am dealing with right now.

Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics? 


Isn't it funny that this question follows the gay marriage one?  I mean, there are a lot of people who are members of my church (I'm Roman Catholic) who would be openly opposed to gay marriage.  They would find all the places in the bible that show that man and woman are suppose to marry - no same sex marriages.  Anyway - that is a minor part of my problem with religion right now.  Not gay marriage - just that it doesn't seem to be looking at the changes taking place and changing along with the rest of the world.


Don't get me wrong - I have faith.  I feel an amazing amount of peace when I am at church.  I pray on a daily basis.  I want my children to receive all of their sacraments and be brought up in the Catholic faith.  I just think that things have changed a bit from when the "rules" were set up and that, if the church wants to thrive again, some changes need to be made.  After 13 years of Catholic School, I'm pretty familiar with they whys and whats and hows of the Catholic Church.  I have, however, decided that I will live my life the best I can.  I will think about my family (who God has given to me to take care of and teach how to make it to heaven) and always do what I, in my heart, think is best for them.  


Want an example?  I have a perfect one...it's personal but I don't mind sharing, I guess...I think the Catholic Church needs to reexamine their stance on birth control.  I have 4 children.  4 very young children.  I planned 1 pregnancy...and 2 of them were a blessing but a surprise blessing (one of which actually produced 2 babies!).  I can't afford any more little bundles of joy.  It wouldn't be fair to the ones I already have or to the ones that were on the way.  We are at our limit.  I did what I had to do to make sure that we wouldn't have any more children.  I wasn't happy about it - but I was thinking about my family and being practical.  It is a sin to do what I did . . . but I'm living with that.  I can't imagine that God will hold it against me when my judgement comes as long as I've lived a good life and raised the children he has blessed me with well.  I don't know for sure, but I'd like to think he would understand.  If he doesn't, I know that I did what is best for my family - that's all I can do right now.


Now that I've spilled my guts about religion - I'm skipping politics...mainly because I'm so uninformed it's sad.  I just don't have time to pay attention.  If I have a question...I ask my dad.  He knows everything I need to know and he tells me in a way I can understand.  He's my own personal political search engine.  :)

Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol. 


My views on drugs and alcohol can be summed up pretty quickly.  Illegal drugs are bad.  Don't do them.  Legal drugs are good if they are used as directed.  Alcohol can be fun in moderation but too much can lead to an awful morning.  Too much alcohol too often can ruin your life.  Moderation is key.


Okay - there you have it.  Now, I'm off to clean my house for the party tonight!  Nate's grandparents are coming over for wings, pizza and cake!  Should be a good time!

I love to read but I am not one of those people who read the same book once a year because they love it so much.  I usually read a book and then move on to the next - I've even been getting rid of the books I've already read because I just don't have the space to keep them around anymore.  I use to use Paperbackswap.com, but I had way too many books hanging around waiting to be requested - so a few months ago I took a few boxes of books to the rummage sale where I work.  I gave a few to friends at work and then donated the rest - I don't miss them at all.

However, there is one book that I won't give away for a few reasons.  It's my copy of the book The Secret by Rhonda Byrne - and not only is it a book that I can read more than once, it has a handwritten inscription from my grandmother (who gave me the book) inside!


It's been a while since I opened the book, but I'm sure that I will open it again.  It isn't fiction - which is probably one of the reasons I can go back to it.  It's one of those books that you can read a little bit of and benefit from or read the whole thing and feel inspired.  I also have the movie and the DVD - (well, it's on my iPod).

Did it change my views on something?  You bet.  You can't help but pay closer attention to how you think after you read this book.  You can't help but notice that when you start to worry or feel sorry for yourself that things get worse instead of better but when you are focusing on the positive and trying to be upbeat and happy things seem to stay upbeat and even get better.  Now, of course it isn't ALWAYS that easy - but this book has taught me that you really can accomplish a lot by your attitude and confidence level.  It totally changed my views on how I control my life.

One of my favorite Lord of the Rings quotes is when Gandalf says to Frodo, "All we can do is decide what to do with the time we are given".  I think that pretty much sums up how this book helped me, too.  It made me realize that I can decide how I react and I can decide how I feel and I can decide how I think about things.  It also showed me that like attracts like - so if I decide to be happy, happiness will come.  I've decided to be happy - so we will see.  (I've also decided that I would like to hit the lottery so that I can buy a bigger house with a playroom to hide the toys that overflow into every room in my house - I'll keep you updated and let you know when the check actually shows up!)