I love Peter Krause.  I loved him when he played Nate Fisher in Six Feet Under.  I loved him in The Lost Room ~ which my dad actually had me start watching.  He was good in Dirty Sexy Money, but I wasn’t a fan of the show otherwise.  He’s the reason I started watching Parenthood – and I’m really loving his role in it and the show in general. 

I was a little worried that I wasn’t going to like the show after the pilot.  There was too much drama and not enough comedy.  I was hoping it would have a nice balance – but all the things that started going downhill at first made me nervous that this show was just going to be one more thing that reminds me that life doesn’t always work out the way you plan.  I don’t need a TV show to tell me that things go wrong, the unexpected happens and people with the best of intentions aren’t always able to hold true to their promises.  Life isn’t easy – but I didn’t want a TV show to remind me of that and shove it down my throat.  I’ve warmed up to the show, though. 

There is still more drama than comedy.  There are still a lot of reminders of how life doesn’t always turn out the way we want or the way we planned.  However, there are also more of those, “THIS is what it’s all about” moments.    Like one of the last scene’s last night – the whole family (differences aside) was together supporting Peter’s character and his family as they waited for a really important call about his son being admitted to a special school – he was recently diagnosed with Aspergers.  When the call came – they celebrated together!  It was one of those moments when everyone is happy…those are the kind of moments I want in my TV shows.

Without getting too personal – my extended family isn’t the way I imaged it was going to be when I was growing up.  My sister has been dealt a really bad deal health wise – she and her husband – and it’s made a lot of things out of the question.  For example, I can’t just meet my sister at the mall to let the kids play in the playground for a little bit.  My sister has MS and she is in a wheelchair.  She doesn’t drive.  She walks short distances with a walker.  It’s hard on everyone – especially her.  She has a beautiful 3 year old daughter who loves to play with my kids. (and fight with them…because isn’t that what cousins do?)  That’s just my sister – we won’t even get into what’s going on with other members of both mine and Jerry’s family.

It seems, as of late, that my family just doesn’t have a lot of those, “THIS is what it is about” moments. It’s almost like all of our happy moments are somehow shadowed by the stuff that didn’t work out the way it was suppose to – sorry if that doesn’t make sense, but I’m not going to elaborate because it would take too long and be too upsetting.  It makes me sad.    When that happens, I really have to “force” myself to look at what I have – because I am blessed.  My children are healthy.  My children are amazing. 

Last night I had an “Ah Ha!” moment.  I realized that it’s not about me – as much – anymore.  It’s more about them.  I seriously looked at Jerry and said, “We may not be able to have that – but THEY can!” I feel a little more hopeful.  I feel like I have a new understanding of my purpose.  I will tell you that I kind of scared about it – having any kind of expectations is dangerous business…but I’m excited now, too. 

I started thinking about 4 kids…in 4 years!  4 kids…so close together. . . then I realized maybe God does know what he’s doing.  4 kids that close together just might mean they will be best friends.  They will help each other through things.  They will lean on each other.  They will be there for each other.  They will have lives full of those, “THIS is what it is about” moments together.  They may drive me crazy now – but maybe the fact that they are so close together will really be a tremendous blessing in the future. 

Okay – I’m done rambling.  Head on over to Oh, Sweetlee Me…I actually won this contest!  It came in the mail yesterday!  :)  It’s really pretty!

Oh – and guess what…I’m spending some time with my favorite Canadian TONIGHT!!!

Sooo excited!

PS ~ here he is singing my wedding dance song!  :)