Monday, March 14, 2011

Since Having Children...

I have always been a bit of a sensitive person.  Movies with too much violence always gave me nightmares or at the very least crazy dreams.  I would cry for people I didn't know because of some horrific story I heard on the news.  Then, I had children and it got 100 times worse.  Not only do I think about what the person is going through but now I also think about what their mother must be feeling or simply feeling it as a mother myself.

I heard the saddest story this weekend about a 13 month old baby at Children's Hospital who has terminal cancer.  His parents haven't been to see him in almost 5 months.  I understand that it is probably the most painful experience in the world to know that your child is going to die and that all you can do is watch...but I have no idea how you just leave your BABY alone to deal with it.  I want to go to the hospital and hold him myself...this is why I am not in the health profession, I don't think I could leave him to come home every day from work.

I saw the movie, The Passion, in the theaters the year it came out.  It was unbelievably difficult to watch a man go through that much pain and suffering.  I watched it the year after Nate was born . . . I guess I should say I "tried" to watch it the year after Nate was born . . . and I didn't make it past the scene where Mary runs to Jesus when he falls carrying the cross.  I sobbed big, gasping for air sobs when Mary tried desperately to clean up all of the blood from the scourging at the pillar.  I was seeing something that I grew up knowing about in a totally different light - from Mary's perspective - and it was heartbreaking.

I know how blessed I am to be able to sit here and type about how awful I feel.  I know that I am incredibly lucky to have healthy children and live in a warm home with people who love me and who I love.  I am so grateful for it and I am going to try to enjoy it a little more every day...because you never know when something devastating is going to happen.




I've been avoiding a lot of news coverage on Japan.  I know that it's a little selfish of me but I hate feeling helpless and I am.  I hate watching people in pain and they are.  I also don't want the kids to see any of it.  Nate is a really sensitive little man and I know that the footage would really bother him.  I have been praying, though.  Praying for all of those who are suffering.  Praying for all of those who have lost loved ones.  Praying for all of the mothers (and fathers) who have to go through this tragedy with their children...no matter how old.  Praying for those who were left with nothing and praying for all of those who will now do amazing things to help all of these people.