I looked into how to get my kiddos to start acting the way I want them to act today.  Of course, I don't have unrealistic expectations that I'm going to have 4 perfect children.  What family have you ever heard of that has 4 perfect children?  Even the Brady Bunch had Jan . . . and in the movie she was positively creepy.

I do know that I am going to have to get a little bit more organized and active with my children if I'm going to get them to where I want them, though.  I'm guessing by what I read today that this is going to be a long search.  I'm not going to find the perfect thing to change my crazy kids the very first day that I try.  Instead, I'm going to have to really research to find something that fits our family and our current situation.

Like I said, I'm aiming for the beginning of January to really start something - so I have the time to prep and research.

I think the first thing that I need to do is really think about what it is that I want my children to do differently.  Just saying, "I want them to stop driving me crazy" isn't going to cut it.  So, Baby Step #1 is going to be coming up with some goals that I want to achieve...then I will have to look into the best way to achieve them.

I found this article on 15 Secrets of Happy Families

Here are 3 that I'm going to start trying to incorporate right away:

Break Bread Together -We tried this in the past and it was disastrous.  The babies just don't seem to want to eat in the dining room with the rest of us...know why?  Because I haven't made a point to make them...I think this is going to change in the upcoming weeks.

Build and Honor Rituals - we have a lot of things that we do . . . but none on a regular basis or with any kind of schedule.  I think I'm going to come up with a few things that we do a few times a week just to help us develop rituals we have as a family...and then those will become priorities - above anything else that may come up and try to get in the way.

Encourage Sibling Harmony - I think this is something I'm going to start doing now . . . really stressing how lucky they are to have each other.  It isn't always easy for them to see.  When Dean and David wreck a Lego masterpiece that Nate had been working on, I practically see the steam coming out of his ears.  Luckily, he doesn't go after the babies because he knows they are babies.  I have to work on somehow getting him to realize that he is lucky to have a baby brother (or 2) who will do that and annoy him.  :)

Okay - that's enough to think about tonight!  More tomorrow!  :)

The past few days have been rough.  Even with me being gone all day Sunday, I feel like I've been listening to whining, crying, cranky kids WAY too much lately.

I need some help.

I'm planning on scouring the internet tomorrow for some sort of reward/behavior program that is REALLY easy to use but REALLY effective.  The thing is . . . I need something that is going to be easy for me to keep up with.  We tried this really neat chart thing with jobs that the kids had to do every day and then they got tokens for the jobs and then they could trade the tokens in for some sort of a reward. . . it lasted about 3 days before they could care less and things were too crazy for me to be able to keep them on track.  It's important that you remember I currently have 2 two year olds in the house.  They wreak havoc every chance they get - at least from the time they wake up until they are back asleep.

I have decided that the only solution for tonight's dilemma of too much whining is to add a little wine to the mix and call it a night . . . I'm hoping to find something inspirational online tomorrow to help with my lack of structure, whining children (ages soon to be 6 and almost 5) and always throwing a tantrum 2 year olds.

Any help would be GREATLY appreciated but I totally understand if you just want to grab a glass and laugh at me from your comfy/quiet computer screen.  :)

This has been (and continues to be) one of the worst weeks of my life so far.  I'm overflowing with Mommy Guilt and feeling really really helpless.  I'm also almost out of patience and just about ready to call it quits.  Isn't it funny how God knows exactly how far you can go sometimes?  I think He gave Jerry and I about all we can handle this week - and showed us that sometimes you just have NO choice but to stop everything and take care of that which is most important.  Confused?  Well ~ if you are just a blog reader and not a member of my family or a friend then you are probably REALLY confused.  So, let me fill you in.

Monday was a pretty crazy day.  Nate went to school and I did some stuff around the house but never felt like I got much accomplished.  I did make 14 dozen Chocolate Crinkle cookies, though.  :)  They were pretty yummy.

Monday night I was exhausted.  I had whipped up something for dinner and decided I would make Nate and Danika some Caesar Salad.  They LOVE Caesar Salad.  I put some black olives in Danika's because she LOVES black olives.  We started watching G-Force and eating dinner.  After dinner I let the babies loose for a little bit because it was getting close to bedtime.  We usually keep them in their "jumpers" or as Jerry calls them, "circles of neglect", while we are busy so they don't get into anything.  Jerry was upstairs sealing their window.  I was in the kitchen doing dishes.  Danika and Nate were still watching G-Force.  The babies were playing in the living room.  I had to pee.  Everything looked calm.  Everyone looked fine.  Everyone looked occupied.  I ran upstairs to the bathroom.  I was up there maybe 45 seconds.  Then I heard the scream - and Jerry running down the steps and more screaming and some "Shit...Shit...Shit"s.

David had stuck his hand into the garbage can and found the black olive can from dinner.  He must have stuck his thumb in and got it stuck.  The result was a big slice on his little thumb and a lot of blood.  We didn't panic as much as I thought we would.  We weren't prepared at all.  We did okay, though.  I took him off of Jerry and put pressure on it.  I told him right away that we were going to have to go to the hospital.  It was bleeding a lot and wasn't stopping.  When I looked at it I knew it wasn't going to stop on it's own.  He needed stitches.    

Jerry called his mom and she came over with his sister.  They stayed with the other kiddos while we took David to the local Urgent Care Center.  There was a lot of screaming and crying and I felt awful, but we left with a tired baby and 7 stitches in his thumb.

Not a great pic - it's from Jerry's phone

What it looked like after stitches came out.

Things have been going really well. Much better than usual, in fact. I have some ideas as to why ~ which I will share in a minute ~ but it makes me a little nervous because, well...I'm a pessimist at heart.  I try - believe me I try - to not think that way, but if things start going really smooth or really well I tend to brace myself for some bump in the road, minor (or sometimes major) catastrophe...in other words, I wait for complications or issues or anything that will take this nice and easy pace I'm going at and throw it into a tailspin.  Yep ~ I'm a pessimist.

That all being said - here's what has been working for me the past week or so.

First of all, I've been doing FlyLady a lot more frequently...in fact ~ I would say I'm using routines and schedules everyday.  With routines and schedules come a little bit of peace ~ I know what should be happening when and I'm prepared for what is coming up next.  A big PLUS is that my house is actually kind of ... clean!  I knew having a clean house (with as little clutter visible as possible with 4 kids under 5) made Jerry a lot happier...a lot less stressed.  I didn't realize, though, that I would feel a lot less stress, too!  That I would actually feel more at peace and that having less mess and clutter just made me want to keep cleaning!  Funny how that goes, eh?

One problem with that is. . . well, it's left me a lot less time to do things I really enjoy that aren't necessarily things that are productive.  Like...ahem...blog, read blogs, get on facebook, sign on to TweetDeck - heck, I've had my laptop OFF for the last 2 days...and it's been pretty nice.  I missed it though ~ so, I'm going to have to find a way to squeeze it into my schedule without messing up my schedule.  I'm seriously contemplating waking up an hour early (which would be about 6 am) so that I can have an hour online before my day "starts"...

I also bought a new dry erase calendar ~ totally inspired by my friend Christina.


And a new set of shelves for the basement ~ it took the place of 2 VERY cluttered and overflowing cabinets...which in turn was able to free up space to organize more things!



My husband is a real trooper because all this energy and cleaning and organizing has cause projects galore for him!  Sunday involved him tackling this baby:




While I worked on my Control Journal!  I had the same routines written down that I had before the twins were born and obviously some things have changed.

So ~ there you have it.  I feel like some kind of switch has been flipped...or I finally woke up or something.  I feel like I've finally realized that this is what I should be doing.  I look at my mother and my mother-in-law and wonder if this happened to them, too.  I admire both of them so much because they get things done.  They don't complain and they don't take a break (at least not a long one) from doing things.  I'm wondering if they hit a point like I'm at right now where they realized that things go smoother and work out better if you just keep at it...just keep moving.  Don't wait or put it off...it's just easier if you take the 10 or 15 minutes to do it right now.

I guess I may still be a pessimist, but it looks like my procrastinating ways are OVER!  :)  There may be hope for me to turn to optimism after all!  I mean - look at these kiddos...they look optimistic, don't they?







 

I woke up at 7:15 this morning with a blog post forming in my head.  I was going to tell you, in some witty way, about all the emotions that I experienced yesterday – it was a roller coaster kind of day.  Since it is now two hours later, dear internet, and you have sucked up my entire morning, I will have to just do the quick rendition of the whole thing.

I had a lump in my throat for about an hour and a half yesterday – I guess it wasn’t an hour and a half solid, but it was on and off for that long.  You see…yesterday was Nate’s last “regular” day of 3-year-old preschool.  This had me choked up for a few reasons…but it all comes back to the fact that my kids are getting bigger – they are growing up.  I was Nate’s teacher this year – although if you ask him he will probably name every other person who had anything to do with preschool this year…the wonderful women that are aids in the classroom (He LOVES his Mrs. Henry and Mrs. Schwartz!) or the subs that have been in the room at various times (He always talks about Mrs. Merrick and the things she would like when we see them – for example, when we were reading a book from the library the other day he said, “Mommy, I bet Mrs. Merrick would like to see this book.”)  But technically, I was Nate’s teacher this year and yesterday was the last day before our program/graduation next week. 

While we were practicing for the program yesterday, Nate caught my eye and I was his Mommy for a moment, not his teacher.  I sat watching my 4-year-old son sing his little heart out…it kind of sucked…I had to swallow pretty hard in order to not have to explain to 14 darling 3 and 4-year-olds why their teacher was crying.  I did it…but it happened 3 more times that day before we got home and the chaos that is my house prevented me from thinking about it again ~ until now.

Next year, Nate will be with his Mrs. Merrick in the 5-day class.  Danika will be in the other 3-year-old class ~ because I think she will do much better without me to cling to all the time.  Who knows what I’ll do with the twins when their time comes…but I know that this could very well be the only time I had one of my kiddos in my class.  It’s an interesting experience to see them in that setting.  I’m glad I had the chance to do it.  Next year, though, I get to go through the experience from the other side.  The expereince of “giving” my children to other people for a few hours a week…letting other people take care of them…letting other people be important parts of their lives. 

I get it now and I’m sure I’ll get it even more next year.  I get why the beginning of the year is so tough for parents…why they want to walk their kiddos in and peek at them through the windows.  Why they ask so many questions that border on personal but are really just questions that help them understand, know and trust the person who will be responsible for their baby for however long they are in our care.  I know the women who will be with my children (and they are all wonderful) and for most or part of the time my children are there I will be in the building – it still makes my chest a little tight and my throat close up…my eyes water because I won’t be right next to them if they need me.

Please, don’t think I’m not going to be able to handle this.  I’ll totally be fine.  In fact, once it starts I’ll probably enjoy a little bit of a routine and a little break from 4 kids every morning!  Plus, I’m not completely ruling out the possibility that PMS has something to do with this feeling right now.  It’s also probably in part due to the fact that I’ve been oddly aware of how wonderful my children are at the age they are right now.  My mother is good for the, “This is such a nice age” comment and I know what she means – although, I’m not looking forward to finding out about the no-so-nice ages that are in the future.

So ~ I have to just share some pictures with you and let you know about my wonderful friend, Erin!  Erin and I met through the book club I’m in that meets once a month.  We started talking through facebook and then started going to Mommy Group meetings together.  We are a lot alike – we both have quite a few kids and we are both super busy.  Erin LOVES to stamp – and she’s really really good at it, too!  I mentioned on her blog once that I liked the recipe boxes she had made.  So, she made me one for my birthday!  She gave it to me yesterday, so I just have to share some pictures!

Here’s a picture of the top of the box – she did a garden theme because she had read that Jerry and I like to garden!
 
This is the front of the box – isn’t it ADORABLE!?!
She made it big so that I could fit a full size sheet of paper in it!  Which is awesome because most of my recipes come from allrecipes.com or magazines!

Here’s the inside tabs –

And this is her “stamp” on the back!


Too cute, right?  I’m planning on filing and filling it up later today.  I’m so excited about it!  It’s beautiful and I can’t wait to find the perfect place to show it off in my kitchen!
Thanks again, Erin!

So ~ How was your Mother’s Day?  Let me show you what my loving hubby bought me for the special occasion…

Cute, right? There is one silhouette for each of my kiddos – with their birthday listed below.  At first, I thought it was a little bit too big because I’m not a big jewelry person.  But it grew on me and by the end of the day I was in love with it!  I’m already thinking about other charms I want to get to put on it…like a teaching one and maybe one for my anniversary!

All that being said – my Mother’s Day was kind of a rocky one emotionally.  I’m not sure exactly why, but I got myself into a bad place for about 45 minutes and had to force myself to snap out of it.  I’ve probably mentioned somewhere (but I’m too lazy to go find where) that I try very hard to be a positive person.  I try very hard not to complain too much about things.  I didn’t realize that trying that hard can sometimes catch up with you – but it did for me yesterday.  All the things I try not to worry about or complain about started to REALLY bother me.  They started to bother me so much I had to actually go up to my room and be alone for about 20 minutes so I could lose my composure and then regain it – something I just didn’t feel like doing in front of my kiddos.  I cried – not uncontrollably, but harder than I had in a while – and then I told myself that was it…it was time to go and enjoy my Mother’s Day. 

I have no real intention of getting into what I was upset about – except for one thing a little further down…but I do want to talk a little bit about my hubby’s reaction.  He didn’t know why I excused myself.  After all, I’m just getting over a stomach flu, so I’ve been running up the steps a lot lately!  We talked about it a little later, though, when we were riding home from my parents’ house.  I told him that I think trying to be so positive is starting to wear on me.  I told him about how I think that always trying to act like everything is okay is making me hold a lot more inside than I should be.  One of the problems, though, is that everything really is pretty much okay.  The things I would complain about aren’t really that big a deal when you look at other people’s problems.  However – they are my problems.  They are the things I have to deal with.  I mentioned that I maybe I should go find someone to talk to - you know, like a therapist, because I won't feel bad complaining to them because I'd be paying them to listen to me...all he said was, "Yeah - and they would probably say something back to you...cause I have no clue what to tell ya!"

Another issue with me complaining is that I really have a problem admitting that I have a problem.  I try very hard to do things on my own.  It comes from so many people telling me I’m going to need help – from so many people commenting on how full my hands must be – from so many people giving me a sympathetic look when they find out how many kids I have and how old they are – I want to prove them wrong for some reason.  I don’t like to admit that I don’t have it under control.  I don’t like to admit that I need help.  I don’t like to ask for help.  I desperately want to be able to go to the park with my four children all by myself…but it will never happen.  I know that I only have to ask and someone would be more than willing to go with me – so, yesterday, I decided I’m done feeling sorry for myself and going to quit being stubborn.  I’m going to *gulp* ask for help and ask other people into my life – realizing that they will see that I’m not perfect…but that’s okay, right?  I’m hoping that it will help me to feel less isolated – less like all I am is a mother.

Isn’t it funny that I would discover something like that on Mother’s Day – that I’m having an issue because I feel like I’m consumed with being a mother these days?  Of COURSE I’m consumed with it – I have 4 children who depend on me for pretty much every essential in life (although 2 out of 4 are potty trained – hang in there Christine!).  Don’t get me wrong – I LOVE being a mom…but for some reason I’m missing doing things for me.

So – I took a personal day from work yesterday.  Jerry is off and I’m going to get my haircut.  I think I want it to look something like this:

I know…it’s kind of a mom haircut!  However, I’ve been rocking the ponytail nonstop for about a month now…I need a change – and I’m hoping that this will force me to do my hair every day…and that will make me feel like getting out of the house, which will mean I will have to call someone to go with me!

Next, I’ve got to do something about my wardrobe.  If you pretty much wear XL clothes, where do you shop?  I’m planning on getting rid of a lot of my less comfortable clothes and getting myself some staples and starting my wardrobe over.  Let’s face it, pregnancy changes your body…unfortunately for me, mine isn’t bouncing back as quick from the twins as I would like.  I refuse to keep trying on the same clothes that make me look horrible hoping that they don’t look as bad today.  So – I need to make a list of essentials and sort of start over…ideas would be greatly appreciated because I hate to shop for clothes – fashion just really isn’t my thing.

I’m hoping that maybe next year I’ll be more together on Mother’s Day – I’m hoping that I might be able to look more like I want to look and feel more like I want to feel.  Yesterday was just a really off day for me.

In closing – do you have boys?  Do you have Geotrax?  We have a love/hate relationship with them around here.  They are fun and Nate and Danika will both play with them for hours…but they take up SO much space!  Exhibit A for Why We Need a Playroom!

 

While I love the prompt over at Cop Mama's, I had something else in mind for my Mama Guilt post today...

I am part of a group of women that get together once a month and just talk...and eat...and laugh.  We don't really have a name, but we have been getting together for about 6 or 7 months.  I've missed at least 1 get together - and it really bothered me because I look forward to that time out with other moms.

Anyway ~ there are all kinds of moms in our group.  Moms with one child, moms with 4 (hehehe), moms with all girls, moms with all boys, moms with a mix of both, moms who work and moms who are lucky enough to stay home.  It's funny how we all "need" our group for different reasons...I need the group to get a break from the kids and hang out with adults for a while.  I really enjoy their company and it makes me feel like someone other than "Mommy" for a few hours. 

A lot of the "first-time Moms" use the group as a place to get answers and help with that "am I doing it right" feeling.  This is where this week's Mama Guilt comes in...I'm just not as worried about the twins as I was Nate or Danika and that makes me worry I'll miss something.

I may have to backtrack a bit for this to make sense...

A few weeks ago, my mom was putting David on the carpet and asked me if I wanted her to put a blanket down first.  My reply?  "He's my 4th child...not my 1st, mom.  He's fine."  I guess I said it to be funny, but really I feel a little guilty about it now. 

Am I giving him the same about of attention I gave Nate?  No...because I can't.  Not only because he has Nate and Danika ahead of him, but because he also has a twin brother.  The twins don't get as much attention as I gave Nate or Danika.  I know it's not like I'm neglecting them.  I just wonder if I'm not seeing something.

With Nate, I knew every milestone.  I knew when he should be sitting unsupported.  I knew what kind of "talking" he should be doing.  I introduced his food in a certain order and fed him the same things for a certain period of time before switching to something else.  I kept him on a blanket on the floor.  I gave him a bath every other night without fail.  I always made sure he couldn't reach anything that he shouldn't have.

The twins are so different that I think I'm confusing their milestones...David just started crawling (as in this afternoon) but won't sit up.  Dean started sitting up but won't even roll over when we put him on the floor.  They both make all kinds of noises - but are they enough or the right ones?  They eat whatever I blended up and froze or whatever is in the cupboard.  I almost never put a blanket on the floor - they won't stay on it anyway.  They get a bath once a week - more if they NEED it but only once if not.  Today, David came millimeters away from sucking on a beer bottle because I was trying to keep Dean happy while Jerry ran in the kitchen to make a bottle and (as I mentioned) David recently started crawling. 

It's not that I'm not worried about them - I am...I want them to be okay...I want them to grow and develop the way they are suppose to...it's just...well, with all of the other stuff going on I'm usually just happy if they are happy.  I feel guilty about that because I'm afraid that not being so worried all the time...so cautious...means that I'm not being as good a mom to them as I was to Nate, when I only had 1 baby - and they deserve a mommy as worried as I was then.

This whole thing kind of started 2 days ago because Dean has been breathing funny.  My gut tells me it's probably nothing.  It's this...well, you know how you have to try to catch your breath after you cry really really hard?  That gasping, I guess?  Well he was doing that...in his sleep...and then for about 10 minutes after he woke up.  No crying, though.  He didn't cry before, during or after.  It did go away - and it wasn't constant...but I have this nagging feeling that I wrote it off too quickly.  He had an inhaler because of bronchitis about 3 months ago (I don't think he really had bronchitis, to be honest).  Could it be some side effect from that?  Could it be asthma?  How do I know?  I decided that if it happens again I will call the doctor - but is that the right thing to do?  If it were Nate when he was 7 months old would I have called before it stopped - in that first 10 minutes?

As I've said before, I'm not perfect and I hate these feeling of not knowing what to do...I hate being the one "in-charge" sometimes...I wish someone would just tell me what to do and I'll do it - guilt free.

About 5 months ago a group of women who all have one friend in common were brought together by that friend.  It was actually really a great idea for us all to get out and meet some other moms.  I've met some really nice women and generally have a great time when we meet.  It was kind of a ground rule that we would try not to get like most groups of women do - we were not going to judge each other...we were not going to try to one-up each other...we were just going to laugh and have a great time.  My favorite meeting to date was our Christmas one - we had a cookie exchange and I swear I laughed more than I had in a REALLY long time.  I was actually sad to leave!

Our group met last month, but for some reason I couldn't be there.  I missed them so much...which is funny because we only see each other once a month - it's funny how you can miss people you barely see to begin with and don't really know all that well. 

Anyway, we met last night and I almost didn't go.  I was tired.  I was frazzled.  I just wasn't myself.  I'm sure it showed, too.  Tired, paranoid me took over and, even though I did have a great time, I left without the "wow, that was great" feeling I usually have.  I actually felt out of place - I'm not sure why, but I'm betting it was because I probably wasn't fully present...I was too tired and frazzled.  Now, if you are part of the Mommy Group and reading this - I hope that you don't think I'm complaining about anything in particular...it was really more of a not being able to relax and sitting across the room from everyone so I was a little out of it.  I will say, though - the food was awesome as usual!
 
I just wasn't comfortable - I felt like I was in High School again...I loved High School, but I didn't really have a lot of really close female friends during my Junior and Senior year.  The problem with hanging out with a lot of guys when you are younger is that their wives (and the guy you end up marrying) aren't really appreciative of you continuing your friendship at the level it was before anyone got married.  I'm going to have to make sure my daughter understands this and makes an extra effort to have some girlfriends - then again, my closest girlfriends moved out of state...I still have a few who are close enough for us to get together now and then - but life usually gets in the way of that, too.

I know that this is me and not the mommies at Mommy Group because I've been feeling the same way at work, a little.  Just like I've been on the outside watching - like I'm not participating.  It's like I'm not in on some secret that everyone else knows - and it's something about me...is this a common side effect of lack of sleep?  I'm blaming it on no sleep either way!

I hope to catch up this weekend and maybe enjoy Book Club on Monday!  Of course, I haven't finished the book - but I'm not going to let myself loose any sleep over that! 

Oh, and I think I am going to do Friday Follow - if you are here from Friday Follow, leave me a comment and I will head on over to follow you back!  :)

 

I love Peter Krause.  I loved him when he played Nate Fisher in Six Feet Under.  I loved him in The Lost Room ~ which my dad actually had me start watching.  He was good in Dirty Sexy Money, but I wasn’t a fan of the show otherwise.  He’s the reason I started watching Parenthood – and I’m really loving his role in it and the show in general. 

I was a little worried that I wasn’t going to like the show after the pilot.  There was too much drama and not enough comedy.  I was hoping it would have a nice balance – but all the things that started going downhill at first made me nervous that this show was just going to be one more thing that reminds me that life doesn’t always work out the way you plan.  I don’t need a TV show to tell me that things go wrong, the unexpected happens and people with the best of intentions aren’t always able to hold true to their promises.  Life isn’t easy – but I didn’t want a TV show to remind me of that and shove it down my throat.  I’ve warmed up to the show, though. 

There is still more drama than comedy.  There are still a lot of reminders of how life doesn’t always turn out the way we want or the way we planned.  However, there are also more of those, “THIS is what it’s all about” moments.    Like one of the last scene’s last night – the whole family (differences aside) was together supporting Peter’s character and his family as they waited for a really important call about his son being admitted to a special school – he was recently diagnosed with Aspergers.  When the call came – they celebrated together!  It was one of those moments when everyone is happy…those are the kind of moments I want in my TV shows.

Without getting too personal – my extended family isn’t the way I imaged it was going to be when I was growing up.  My sister has been dealt a really bad deal health wise – she and her husband – and it’s made a lot of things out of the question.  For example, I can’t just meet my sister at the mall to let the kids play in the playground for a little bit.  My sister has MS and she is in a wheelchair.  She doesn’t drive.  She walks short distances with a walker.  It’s hard on everyone – especially her.  She has a beautiful 3 year old daughter who loves to play with my kids. (and fight with them…because isn’t that what cousins do?)  That’s just my sister – we won’t even get into what’s going on with other members of both mine and Jerry’s family.

It seems, as of late, that my family just doesn’t have a lot of those, “THIS is what it is about” moments. It’s almost like all of our happy moments are somehow shadowed by the stuff that didn’t work out the way it was suppose to – sorry if that doesn’t make sense, but I’m not going to elaborate because it would take too long and be too upsetting.  It makes me sad.    When that happens, I really have to “force” myself to look at what I have – because I am blessed.  My children are healthy.  My children are amazing. 

Last night I had an “Ah Ha!” moment.  I realized that it’s not about me – as much – anymore.  It’s more about them.  I seriously looked at Jerry and said, “We may not be able to have that – but THEY can!” I feel a little more hopeful.  I feel like I have a new understanding of my purpose.  I will tell you that I kind of scared about it – having any kind of expectations is dangerous business…but I’m excited now, too. 

I started thinking about 4 kids…in 4 years!  4 kids…so close together. . . then I realized maybe God does know what he’s doing.  4 kids that close together just might mean they will be best friends.  They will help each other through things.  They will lean on each other.  They will be there for each other.  They will have lives full of those, “THIS is what it is about” moments together.  They may drive me crazy now – but maybe the fact that they are so close together will really be a tremendous blessing in the future. 

Okay – I’m done rambling.  Head on over to Oh, Sweetlee Me…I actually won this contest!  It came in the mail yesterday!  :)  It’s really pretty!

Oh – and guess what…I’m spending some time with my favorite Canadian TONIGHT!!!

Sooo excited!

PS ~ here he is singing my wedding dance song!  :)

 

 

In about an hour or so my friend is bringing her daughter over for a play date. We plan on ordering pizza and letting the kids play for a while. The big deal part is - I didn't clean my house!

One of the main reasons I never want anyone to come over to my house - one of the main reasons I feel like I have no friends - is that my house is in a constant state of chaos.  I think that I've finally come to accept the fact that my house is just not going to be neat and orderly.  Now - my house is NOT dirty.  I do wipe things down, run the sweeper, pick up dirty dishes and dirty clothes.  We take the garbage out and all of that jazz.  However, there are a TON of toys and just stuff that I never get around to putting away...and what's the point, really?  I put them away and they come right back out!  I need a routine - but I have 4 small children and a routine is often just an extra added stress for me...because, let's face it - I'm not really in control of what's going on 75% of the time (the other 25% of the time the twins are sleeping - I have a little more control when they aren't awake).  Then you run into the fact that when I do get time to myself I'm usually too exhausted to do anything productive. 

So - I decided when I woke up this morning that I was not going to stress about how my house looked before my friend came over.  I'm not even going to say anything about it (or I'm at least going to try not to - it's hard for me not to make excuses).  I really doubt she will think anything bad about me - in fact, I'm pretty sure she'll probably feel bad for me and want to do my laundry!  hehehe  Of course, I'll tell her no.  I couldn't let her go down to the basement!  Holy crap - wanna talk about a catch all for all the stuff we don't know what to do with!!!  Nate calls it "the toy store downstairs"...yep, that's pretty much what it looks like. 

So - wish me luck...I'll let you know how it goes.

Oh - and no Friday Follow for me this week...I have too much anxiety about getting to the blogs in my Google Reader as it is!  :)

This is my second week doing the QOTW over at Multiples and More and this one is an interesting one that I’ve actually come in contact with before.

Do you think parents of multiples are more likely to become divorced? Why or why not?

I’ve been married for a little under 6 years.  I have 4 children under the age of 5.  The youngest 2 are twin boys.  I can’t imagine doing this without my husband.

I bought this book:  Mothering Twins: From Hearing the News to Beyond the Terrible Twos and the topic of mothers and fathers of multiples being in the highest bracket for divorce was brought up.  I know it is stressful – but it is NOT the only (and probably not the main) cause of these families falling apart.

In my honest opinion I think that having multiples . . . No, I KNOW that having multiples causes a lot of stress on a marriage.  However, I think people who make bad decisions and get married for the wrong reasons to the wrong person are much more likely to get divorced than a loving, committed, happy couple who has more than one baby at a time. 

If you get divorced because you have multiples then there was probably something wrong with your marriage in the first place – or their would have been something wrong even without the multiple birth.  I know a lot of people who have not been able to make their first marriages work – none of them have multiples. 

Divorce happens too often in this country and hurts a lot of people when it does.  I make an extra effort to not judge people who are divorced because I don’t think that anyone can fully understand the very personal reasons that it happens.

As far as my relationship with Jerry goes, having multiples has changed it.  I really feel that it has (so far) made us a lot closer and more of a team…on good days.  The problem is that the work NEVER ends.  It is exhausting and I think there are often times when I feel like he isn’t doing enough – and times when he feels like I’m not doing enough. 

We both try very hard not to let those things cause problems between us – it doesn’t always work, but we try.  We have had to become much more verbal with each other in order to not get angry all the time – communication has become so much more important.  You learn fast that you can’t expect the other person to read your mind – there is just too much noise in the house for that to EVER happen.

On the other hand, knowing when to let things go because it isn’t worth getting into a fight about has become equally important.  It is also important to not jump to conclusions and take the time to talk things out or get all of the information.  Like when he taps me on the shoulder at 4 am and tells me it is my turn to go put the binkie back in Dean’s mouth so he will stop crying because he got out of bed and did it last time.  I feel like calling him a liar because I didn’t feel him get out of bed.  I didn’t even hear Dean cry!  I’m exhausted and in a deep deep sleep and he has to wake me up to go put a binkie in that I don’t want to try to find in the dark anymore than he does…Then I realize (when he tells me) that I didn’t hear Dean the two times before (at 1 am and 3 am) because he let me sleep through it!

I guess the one thing I would tell parents who just found out they are having multiples is that it is important to take care of each other, too.  Love your partner and make sure that they know you love them.  Be there for each other and really become a TEAM!  Jerry and I considered ourselves a team from the moment our first “singleton” came into this world.  We grew into a stronger team when our second “singleton” arrived.  We were a little (understatement of the year) nervous when our “multiples” were on their way – but now that they are here we are stronger than ever…not perfect, but still happy and in love with each other.

So, if you’ll excuse me, I’m headed upstairs to stick my freezing cold feet under the covers and find Jerry’s warm ones…I might even whisper to him how grateful I am to be on this journey with him by my side!

I have a problem when it comes to my kids.  Other than DH (because they are his kids, too), I don't like to ask for help from people.  I will ask for help if I am in desperate need of it - but I don't like to ask for help.  Some days, I actually LONG for the time when I will be able to pay a well researched, responsible high school student to watch my children (or two...since I have four kids!).

I feel so guilty when I ask a relative to babysit my kids, that I don't ask unless I have no other option (like staying home while Jerry does whatever it is I need done - or Jerry staying home while I go).  Part of the guilt comes from the fact that I am blessed to still be happily married and still have my health.  Not everyone in my family is as lucky as I am in that aspect - so I often feel guilty because they need the help more than I do.  The problem is that there are a lot of times I need help and don't ask - which leads to me being upset and frustrated.  I end up feeling overwhelmed and taking that out on DH.  I end up feeling stuck and hiding out from my kiddos until I get my senses back and realize I'm just being over dramatic - but when I'm feeling it...it's a real feeling.  Luckily, it never lasts long...and I always look back and realize I probably overreacted.

I know that it's 150% my fault.  (After all...I'm not perfect.)  I don't want to "bother" anyone - I don't want to add to their already busy and complicated lives by dumping my needs on top of all the stuff they already have to deal with.  No one really ever ASKS to spend time with my kids without me there.  Are they suppose to?  Am I waiting around for something that doesn't usually happen?

I was really worried, when I thought about how to get this off my chest, that it would sound like I trying to look like some kind of martyr.  I'm not.  I was worried that I would sound like I'm whining.  Maybe I am...a little.  I know that it is my fault that I don't get the help I need - I don't ask but if I did the help would probably be there.  Plus, if I ask and it isn't there (which has happened, too), then I'm no worse off than before I asked, right? 

The thing is . . . I don't want to be one of those people who is always dumping their kids off on other people.  This is my life now - I have 4 very small children and I pretty much have NO social life.  I know it won't always be like this...but isn't this the way it is suppose to be right now? 

My husband doesn't have your typical 9-5  / M-F job, which really stinks when it comes to me getting any time out of the house.  I can't tell you how much I wish he had Saturdays off...or was home every night by 5:30.  We would be able to get out of the house all together.  Go somewhere with the kids...I can't do that by myself.  NO WAY!  Maybe this is just the winter blues talking. 

Right now, though, his job is perfect for our situation (well...not perfect, but pretty good) because he has Tuesdays off - which means we don't have to find a place for the kids to go while I go to work on Tuesdays...just Thursdays.  He has a job, though - which not everyone can say - and it's a good one.  We want a lot of things but there isn't really anything we need that we don't have.

I guess the whole point of me opening this can of worms is that I don't know how to get over that guilty feeling I have when other people have to deal with my kids.  I feel like I'm the one who has to discipline them, comfort them so they stop crying, change them, feed them, dress them, bathe them...I am the one that should be doing that.  However, lately, trying to do that, laundry, work, cook, clean and maintain a little sanity is starting to be a bit much.  I keep telling myself it will get easier - especially when I don't have to make every trip to the potty with my daughter and the twins can feed themselves!  Yesterday, I was talking to one of the women I work with who has 5 children...she just looked so tired and said to me, "You think it's going to get easier - but really it just gets busier."  I can't worry about the future, though...that really overwhelms me.  I have to focus on now...and right now I have to go switch the laundry, clean up the breakfast dishes and take Danika to the potty...