750 Words I'm Proud Of

2/24/2011 05:24:00 PM

I stumbled across 750words.com from another blog that I was reading.  I can't really remember what blog it was, or I would totally give credit where credit is due.  I will say, though, that I've found it rather therapeutic for me.  You may wonder why I would want to write 750 words when I write on my blog, too.  The answer is that sometimes I write things that I don't want everyone to read.  When that happens - 750 Words is PERFECT.  Apparently, I have a lot more to get off my chest than I think I do!

Anyway, I thought I would share today's 750 Words entry with you - so I don't have to type a whole different blog post!  Yes, I will be cheating when appropriate!

Here it is - remember that there is no editing or anything, so I apologize in advance for funky punctuation or run-on sentences.

I'm really really tired today and slightly disappointed - again.  It seems like everything I have high hopes for or really expect to be awesome always has something happen that makes it less awesome than it is.  Like a little fold in a cover of a new book or a smudge on a picture or a snag in a new sweater or a unexpected expense (like new tires) when you get surprised with extra cash in your paycheck.  The funny thing is, I really don't feel like I should complain too much about these things.  I mean after all I have that book or picture or sweater or car - my life is good.

I feel the same way about my children sometimes.  I think about people who can't have children or who have tragically lost their child/children and I remind myself that I can handle the little things like cartoons on tv all day or peanut butter on my front door or a baby that isn't happy unless he is in my lap.  I think about these things and remember that life isn't about things being exactly the way that you think they should be.  Life is about you learning to want things exactly the way they are right now.  I know that I spend a lot of time wishing for things.  I wish I had a bigger house.  I wish the kids were just a little bit older and a little bit more independent.  I wish that we had a little more money to do things.  I wish I was thinner.  I wish I had better style and nicer clothes.  I wish for a lot of things but I always seem to include a tag line - like, "I wish I had a bigger house but am so grateful for the one I have."  "I wish the kids were a just a little bit older and a little bit more independent but I know that I will miss these days soon enough."  "I wish we had a little more money to do things but I am so glad that I have the job I do and can stay home with my babies as much as I do."  "I wish I was thinner but I'm so grateful we have food to eat."  "I wish I had better style and nicer clothes but at least my kids always look cute - I really think people stopped looking at me after they were born anyway!"

I sound like I'm complaining.  I'm not.  Really.  I just always feel like I have to make sure that the powers that be realize I don't want any more problems than I already have - in fact, I don't want any problems because I don't feel I have any that I can't handle right now.  I guess it goes back to the whole reason you shouldn't ask God for patience...

All that being said, there are some things I just wouldn't change for anything.  I wouldn't change the fact that my 5 year old is sneaking down the steps right now and will probably be peaking his head around the corner - even though I put him to bed about 10 minutes ago.  I also wouldn't change the fact that he will stumble into my bed at some point tonight and I will be so sound asleep that I won't realize he is there and then I will wake up with him snuggled up against my back and my daughter in front of me spooning up against me.  I know that Jerry and I complain about it being crowded - because it is - but I also know that someday they will close their bedroom door and not come out for 12 hours or so...I will start to wonder if they are even in there!

I don't want to miss all this.  I don't want to look back and say, "Where did it go?"  I don't think that it is possible to live a life with children and not do that but I am doing my best to try and pay attention.  I want to be able to remember the little things and remind myself of how good I had it - even if I was always wishing for more or wanting more or dreaming of a bigger and therefore, better, life.  I know in my heart that it doesn't really get any better than this.  It's not about the house or my clothes but the number of kisses I get before bedtime.

There you have it.  I'm off to fill in my Project Life with some picture I picked up today at Walgreens!  I'm really excited - Life is Good!

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