Monday, October 11, 2010

Memaw

I feel like I spent the whole weekend waiting for a phone call.  Very similar to when you are expecting a new life to enter the world and you are sitting by the phone waiting for it to ring.  I wasn't waiting to hear that a new life entered the world, though.  I was waiting to hear that a wonderful woman was finally at peace and had left this world.  I was waiting to hear those words, "She's gone".

The call came at 5:43 this morning from Jerry's sister, Mare.  It was one of those calls that you knew what the person on the other line was going to say and thought that maybe if you didn't answer the phone it wasn't true.  However, the news came as a bit of a relief along with the sadness.  Even though you love someone and can't bear the thought of life without them - this time it was more upsetting to imagine her enduring any more pain.  It is a relief to know that her suffering is over.  It is a relief to know she is at peace.

Picture of Memaw and her husband - given to us by Jerry's cousin on her 90th birthday.
Thinking about life when faced with death is kind of a natural thing.  You think of the life of the person but you also think of all the lives they were involved in - either lives they created, improved or changed forever.  Memaw has 5 children, 15 grandchildren and 23 great-grandchildren.  She has touched a lot of lives.  She was 94 years old and I only knew her for the last 12 years of her life but I will remember her for the rest of mine.

Memaw and Nate - the day he was born
Memaw with Danika a few days after we brought her home
Memaw with 10 of her Great Grandchildren

Memaw with Dean
Memaw with David
 This week is going to be a tough one.  We will be saying goodbye to someone who has given us wonderful memories and shared a lot of laughs and love with us.  Jerry has such amazing memories of his Grandmother.  She was at home in her bed for the past 2 days - Jerry spent a lot of time there just being with his family.  I'm really grateful that he was able to do that.  I'm glad that his family was able to be with her in her home one more time.  Even if she was getting ready to leave them...I know that they found a great deal of comfort in being able to be with her in the house that her husband built and her father and husband also passed away in.

I keep trying to end this post with a message to Memaw - even though I talked to her yesterday...but those words aren't coming or perhaps I just don't want to share them.  Maybe it's that I'm not in the right mind frame to say them...to say goodbye.  We are in the preparing to say goodbye stage of the process.  Which I don't remember being this hectic before because I didn't have to think about flowers or babysitters or suits when I've lost loved ones in the past.  Before, I was able to cry and be held - now I have to get things done first.  I know that the time will come when it won't matter what I got done and what I didn't and then I will cry, again.

Thank you for your thoughts, well wishes and prayers for me, my husband and our family.  We lost a very special person and will need to take time to heal.  However, we are a pretty strong family because of her and we will get through it together.

Thank you, Memaw - for all that you gave me...