Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Dear Children

This summer was not an easy one for any of us.  I had big hopes and aspirations - but hit a few little speed bumps and ended up just getting by this summer.  I wanted to do so much more.  I wanted to be more of a "super mom" and actually go places, see things and get stuff done.  What ended up happening was that we stayed home a lot.  We watched more movies than we should have on days when it would have been a perfect day to play outside.  We basked in front of the AC instead of lounging in a little inflatable pool.  We spent too many days never putting our shoes on and exploring the world - which is what I wanted to do with you this summer.

I could make a million excuses - but the truth of the matter is that I am only one person and was extremely overwhelmed this summer.  I dreaded packing diaper bags full of all of the things we would need to be out of the house for longer than an hour.  I dreaded making 4 trips to the van just to get everyone and everything loaded and then 4 more trips into the house to get it all unloaded.  (Am I whining enough for you yet?)  I had nightmares about what would happen if one of you demanded my full attention while we were out and I couldn't pay attention to all of you - I mean it only takes a second for something awful to happen...there are 4 of you and only 1 of me.

I would like to say that next summer will be different.  I'm holding out hope that, when you are all a year older and I have another year of being mommy to 4 under my belt, we will be able to do more.  I'm also not making any promises or going into it with any expectations.

All that being said - my guilt thrown out in front - I'm going to miss this summer.  One of the things I hear all the time is reminders about how fast this time is going.  I hear how I'm going to miss it.  I am told that things speed up and get even crazier.  I don't doubt it.  This year alone we are doing more than last year and we haven't even begun any extra-curricular stuff with the kids!  Between preschool and "church school" we are losing time we could fill with things we wanted to do.  

I know that the likelihood of any of my children having vivid memories of this summer when they are my age is slim to none.  I know that they may remember our trip to the zoo or riding the Jackrabbit at Kennywood.  They won't remember mornings when we squeezed 6 people into a queen size bed at 8 in the morning for just a few more minutes of snuggling before starting our day.  They won't remember tents made in the dining room using all of the chairs, blankets and pillows we could find.  Hopefully, they won't remember mommy "resting her eyes" on the couch as they watched Bolt for the 100th time or Elf in the middle of July.  

I will remember, though.  I will remember all of it. I will remember how sweet they all look with sleep still in their eyes but a grin ear-to-ear as I go to lift them out of their cribs or shuffle them into the bathroom to use the potty before we head downstairs.  

This morning ~ Nate took 15 minutes in the bathroom to use the potty and brush his teeth.  Jerry was in there with him and they were having a conversation about a new Wii game that Jerry bought last night (Slapshot - it's a hockey game).  I heard Nate say, "Daddy, after school can we play that hockey game again?"  I felt a drop in my gut and was once AGAIN reminded that this is going to go too fast...


Summer swinging on Grammie and Nunnu's front porch.

As a side note - if you use Google Chrome and Google Reader for your blog reader...check out Feed Squares!  I can't say enough about how totally and completely awesome it is!  I LOVE it!  It has made reading the 143 unread blog posts that seem to magically appear in my Google Reader every morning SO much easier and FUN!  I actually want to go back to reading more blogs because of this little gem of an extension!