Friday, May 13, 2011

Okay - I'll admit it...

One of the things that I kind of try to make sure I never (or very rarely do) is complain about my husband.  There are a lot of reasons for this.  First of all, I love my husband and I would hate for anyone to have a bad opinion of him just because he did something little that annoyed me.  Secondly, I want to be supportive and not counterproductive when it comes to our relationship.  I really and truly want us to be a team and I don't want to start blaming each other for things that don't get done - because, let's face it, we ALWAYS have things that don't get done.  Every night before we head up the stairs, I can think of at least 5 or 6 things I could do before going to bed . . . or 5 or 6 things Jerry could do before going to bed.  Truth is, we can only do so much and some days I do more and other days he does more...it's not worth keeping score.

The last reason I don't like to complain about my husband is because he is a good guy.  I lucked out.  I managed to marry a guy who still finds me as attractive has he did before we got married and lets me know it all the time.  I managed to marry a guy who wants to be with his family and loves his children.  I managed to marry a guy who gives me everything I need and just about everything that I want, too!

All that being said, he is not perfect.  Lately, we have been at each other's throats and miserable.  We realized the other day that it has been almost 3 months since we went somewhere together without the kids.  3 MONTHS!!!  90 days!!!  No wonder we feel like we are in such a rut and could barely stand to be in the same room with each other!  It all came to an ugly head this week and I ended up losing it on him.  He surprised the heck out of me by losing it on me, too.  In 7 years . . . this was the first really big fight we had where we were both angry and loud!

I don't want to make a habit of it because I was emotionally drained and felt like sleeping for the rest of the day.  I can't say it was fun and I certainly didn't feel good about it.  However, it helped.  Strange as it may seem, we are both happier now that we yelled at each other and fought (and forgave each other and "made-up") than we were when we weren't talking about what had bothered us.

I'm sure that there is a happy medium between walking on eggshells and screaming at each other - but we don't always have the luxury of talking to each other and opening the lines of communication as much as we would if we didn't have 4 kids ages 5 and under.  It's not something to take lightly, though - we have to figure out some way to do it.  Maybe it means more Date Nights than one every 3 months (we are going out tomorrow)!  Maybe it means making sure that we go to bed at the same time and spend 15 minutes a night just talking to each other.  Maybe it just means having a night a week where we don't watch TV or get on the computer.  I'm not sure what will work but I do know that we will work!  Love ya, Babe!

Any suggestions?  What do you do when you feel like parenting is starting to take away from your marriage?