Perfecting Imperfection

Three years ago today I was sitting in a hospital bed - slightly uncomfortable and anxious to see my new baby girl that we hadn't decided on a name for yet. I remember Danika's birth a lot more vividly than Nate's. Not only because it was 14 months later (and therefore fresher in my memory) but also because I kinda knew what to expect. I knew how it would feel. I wasn't really all that nervous or worried about pain. I knew that was temporary. I just wanted to hold my new baby.

If you rewind to 9 months or so before that, I wouldn't have been as excited. Of course, I wouldn't change a thing now...but finding out we were going to have baby #2 with a 4 month old at home was...well...scary. We were just starting to sleep a little better and get use to spending most nights at home. Then, once the shock of a new baby set in, we found out our new one was going to be a little girl! I cried - and not tears of joy - because I didn't want a girl. I was so worried about all of the difficult things she would be going through growing up. I know what it's like to be a girl - and all I could think about at the time were all the horrible things. For example, I remember telling Jerry, someday a boy is going to break her heart. He thought I was nuts (for the record...I think he still thinks I'm crazy)

I'm so glad that God knows what we need and gives us what we need instead of what we always want. God knew I was going to need another female in the house - if for no other reason than to go shopping with! :) I don't know what I would do without her - and she's only 3.

Dear Danika,

Today is your 3rd Birthday. You are such a joy and I don't know what we'd do without you. Don't get me wrong - you can throw a tantrum better than anyone I know. I get so frustrated with you when you cry and scream. You are the loudest child I've EVER met. You are also the sweetest. You get so concerned when one of your brothers is upset. You miss Nate when he isn't around. You love to give hugs and kisses - but only when you want to NOT when someone asks for one.

You are Daddy's Little Girl - there is no doubt about that - but lately you have started to want me for things, too. You are starting to use the potty and it's going pretty well. We are bribing you with one of your favorites - CHOCOLATE! :)

You love princesses and all things Disney these days. You would eat an entire stick of butter if I let you (which grosses me out to no end) and are always worried that we are going to leave someone behind. You are the one who does the head count when we get into the van to go somewhere . . . oh, and you count in Spanish not English!

I'm so glad that God decided to give us you. I feel so blessed that I get to watch you grow and see you turn into a little lady. I can't wait for your Princess Party on Saturday - I know you will love it. I'll be sure to take a lot of pictures...because I will need something to threaten you with when you start dating! :0)

I love you,
Mommy

I just have to say a couple of things...

1) Giant Eagle DOES care about their customers. Not only did someone from the store call me ON SATURDAY to tell me that they spoke with Maggie and offered to send me a gift card for bringing the problem to their attention - but another Giant Eagle employee (Beth) actually read my blog and asked for more details about my experience because she wanted to deal with it at a store level. I assured her that the woman I spoke with on Saturday made me feel much better about my experience. I kind of feel bad that I probably got Maggie into a little bit of trouble - because I don't like to "rock the boat" - but then again I was really upset...upset enough to say something and am kind of surprised that more than one person went out of their way to let me know that they cared.

2) The music that is piped through the speakers at Borders is too loud - especially if you are sitting in the Cafe and trying to have a book club meeting. I felt like I had to practically scream over the music to be heard - it was very annoying...along with the woman who seemed annoyed that we moved her tables around so that we could sit in a group. We've only been meeting there every last Monday of every month for . . . Hmmm . . . at least a year. This is the first time anyone even questioned us, let alone gave us dirty looks. I guess I'm just extra sensitive to cashiers these days.

3) If you are looking for an entertaining, fast read and like fiction give "The Secret Life of CeeCee Wilkes" by Diane Chamberland a shot. Everyone in our book club agreed that it was a pretty good book. We all had little issues with it - but all in all would recommend it to others.

4) I lost 4 pounds! :) I'm actually enjoying my WW experience and have to say that the online thing just rocks! I have any and all information I could possibly want right at my fingertips! The only down side is there really isn't any kind of week by week getting to know the program or changing one habit a week thing. Unless I'm missing it. I love the recipes, the point tracker, the quick find for foods, etc. I also love the community section and really really wish I could be more active with that. :)

5) Unless you want hours sucked away from your life - stay away from Post Secret. Or at least don't use Google Reader and subscribe to it - because that's when you get to see all the past blog entries and will end up spending hours on end reading other peoples secrets (which have caused me to "think" in terms of secrets all day long - like "I told you that I was going to leave for book club in 10 minutes and left 3 minutes early. I guess that makes me a liar." To tell you the truth...it's REALLY annoying.)

As a bit of a side note - Jerry and I actually cooked breakfast and lunch for Monday on Sunday night. It worked out really really well (I think)...but it felt weird to cook food and not eat it right away. We made English Muffin sandwiches for breakfast and Veggie Wraps (with grilled chicken that we had already made for something else) for lunch. The REALLY nice thing was that it really helped me to stay in my point allotment. :) I'm hoping to get a chance to exercise again soon - today just kind of slipped past me.

It's late - I'm rambling - no....I'm going to bed!

So - last night I went to Giant Eagle - at 9:30 pm. It wasn't as bad as I was expecting. Actually, once I got out of the house (and over being extremely pissed off at Jerry because he found a way to make me go instead of him going - that's another story) I actually kind of enjoyed it. That was until I checked out. The girl who checked me out (her name was Maggie) had the WORST attitude EVER!!! She groaned and sighed and rolled her eyes. She didn't say hello to me. She didn't smile. She didn't even turn to look at me when she asked me if I wanted to use my 1% foodperks! I wrote Giant Eagle a message to tell them how disappointed I was - I'm sure that it'll be written off...and maybe she is having a bad day, but I felt better telling them that she was so nasty to me (and the woman in front of me, and the bagger that was helping her but had to leave because someone dropped a 2 liter of Pepsi and it exploded and needed mopped up, and the manager who asked her if she saw the woman drop the bottle or knew why it exploded). Maggie, dear, you need an attitude adjustment or a new job because you stink at customer relations.

Anyway - that is not why I can't breath. While at Giant Eagle last night I bought a ton of "diet" foods so that I can start having healthy options with Weight Watchers. (Bonus - SmartOnes were on sale 6 for $10!) The powers that be at GE must know that there are still some of us who are working on New Years (or in my case mid-January) resolutions. They stuck the exercise videos where you can see them without walking through the video section. Plus, they put them on sale (7.99 instead of 9.99 - 11.99). I was torn between 2 of them...because I HAD to get one. I decided on The Biggest Loser The Workout: 30-Day Jump Start. It's 5 workouts that are 10 minutes long...you do one a day for 5 days during the week...One is Cardio...one is Upper Body...one is Lower Body...one is Abs...you get the picture. My thinking was that I can exercise for 10 minutes a day...no problem. I was wrong...or not wrong but I totally underestimated the difficulty of the workout. I was EXHAUSTED afterward. I could barely breath. I was huffing and puffing...but...I felt good. I felt REALLY good, actually. I'll be doing another 10 minutes tomorrow...or Monday...but not the 10 minutes of cardio. Maybe the 10 minutes of Abs or Upper Body. I also can't believe that the one I did today was Cardio Level 1...It's gonna take a while for me to even try Level 2...but hey, this is a start. I'm actually a little bit proud of myself. To top it off - 2 Activity points!!!!

Grocery shopping - that is. It's not that the shopping part is all that bad - I actually enjoy the hour or so away from the chaos that is staying at home with 4 kids 4 and under. It's the planning that always gets me. Now that I've started Weight Watchers, the planning is tougher. I'm sure it is just this week...I'm sure that it'll get easier as I find the foods I like to eat that fit into the "plan". However - right now trying to make a list is proving quite a challenge. Every time I get started a child starts screaming - I'm surprised I have time to breath these days.

I am really liking Weight Watchers on-line, though. I went to meetings about 7 or 8 years ago. I enjoyed them, but with the Weight Watchers on-line I can find answers right away to anything. They've also got a TON of recipes and food ideas. It's pretty awesome. I was a little hesitant about paying for it...but I think it'll be worth it if I can get close to the weight I was after Danika (that was when I was my smallest - believe it or not.)

On a positive note, Jerry's job has picked up! Not that we are rolling around in cash over here, but we are definitely breathing a little easier - when we have time, that is! Plus, we are anxiously awaiting the arrival of our W2s and all that other jazz so we can get our taxes done...we should be able to pay off all of our hospital bills from the twins with that and then set some aside for our next big project - operation get out of this small house and into one we can fit in...We are hoping to maybe do this in the next 3 years or so. I know it gives us a lot of time - but I also think we are going to need it!

Well - enough time chatting...I've got to keep working on this grocery list - and I'm thinking it's almost lunch time...so, I've got that to do, too. Oh - and BREATH...can't forget to do that. :)

That's probably the understatement of the past 5 years around here - things just keep getting more and more interesting and I'm having trouble keeping up. I'm having trouble finding time to fit it all into my day. I'm having trouble staying afloat (if you will). But somehow...somehow I'm managing.

"These things have a way of working out."

"How do they?"

"No one knows. It's a mystery."

From one of my favorite movies (bonus points if you can guess which movie!) - very true, too. I don't know how it happens...but things just seem to find a way of working out. If you believe in The Secret - then maybe that is how. I can't say that I am a strong advocate of The Secret - I haven't had any amazing life changing experience with it, yet...I will say that I practice it now and then. Which is probably why I've had some success with it - I just haven't given it my all, yet. I haven't been able to give ANYTHING my all...I'm just too busy for that. I have always adopted the idea that we will always have enough money - and we do. Sometimes it's just enough (most of the time it's just enough) but it's enough. I'm thinking maybe I should start adopting the idea that we have MORE than enough - see how that works. :)

Anyway...so, these things find a way of working themselves out. I've read 2 books that have really changed the way I live my life. The first one is The Secret. It has changed the way I live my life by helping me to stop being so negative. I thought about the principals of The Secret and realized that I was a pretty negative person. I worried ALL the time. I got myself very worked up about what other people thought and I obsessed over other people's ideas of what my life should be like. Then I realized it didn't matter - the more I thought that other people didn't like me or were talking about me, the more they were. I just stopped worrying about it and started assuming that people did like me and that they were even happy to be around me and know me. It's made me more social and more confident. Plus, I sleep better because I don't worry as much about everyone else.

The second book is The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands - by: Dr. Laura Schlessinger. I picked it up on a whim (I actually got the title from a Thursday Thirteen someone did about 13 books they wanted to read. I wasn't sure what to expect - but I thought the title was cute so I ordered it. I LOVED it. Not because I agree with every little thing that Dr. Laura wrote. Frankly, there are some things that I really don't agree with her on...but what I took from the book was far more than what I had a problem with - I also think Dr. Laura's advice will help to keep me married to one man for the rest of my life. It's been a few years since I read the book but if you asked me now what I took from it I would say that I learned that I need to appreciate my husband more and show him my appreciation. I need to remember how much he loves me and I love him. I can't let little stuff get in the way. I have to WORK at my marriage - but enjoy the work. I also learned that in order for my husband to make me happy I have to try to make him happy...it's a give and take and he will start to do things for me - not even noticing - once I start doing for him.

I was appalled by how many people were offended by Dr. Laura's book. To tell you the truth, I wasn't at all surprised, though. I think that when a book like that comes out and people are shown their faults they get defensive. It's normal...and I'm sure Dr. Laura doesn't care.

Anyway - that all seemed very random now that I look back on it. I'm actually sitting upstairs waiting for Danika to fall back asleep. She woke up (I think Nate woke her up...but he said no) and now is a little weepy. I'm hoping she'll fall back asleep soon...I want to go downstairs and find some 0 point food to munch on. (BTW - started WW online today...I'm a little bit HUNGRY!)

It's time to lose the baby weight. It's only getting worse and I'm only going to be able to hide from it for a little while longer. I gained a lot more weight with the twins than I did with Nate or Danika. Duh - I know...but I lost weight so easily after having Nate and Danika that I think I expected to lose it quickly this time as well. I mean after all I may have gained twice as much as I did with a single baby, but there was twice as much stuff in there that would, ahem, be coming out...I delivered 14 lbs of baby!!! I gained roughly 50 lbs with the twins - which is almost exactly double the 27ish I gained with Danika. It's just that this time around - my belly is still there. I know that eventually I will probably have to break down and actually *gasp* exercise. I hate exercise...it may be better now that I've been smoke free for over a year - I will probably be able to breath much better at the very least. But I digress...we are starting with a diet - exercise to come later.

So - when thinking about dieting I immediately thought about Weight Watchers. I did Weight Watchers a while ago - probably before I was even married - and had a lot of success with it. I was in the program for about 6 months or so and lost probably 30 or so lbs. I was able to change a lot, though. For example, I went from drinking regular Pepsi (which was a whopping 4 pts a can!) to Diet Pepsi (which was 0 pts!). I started eating smaller meals...which in turn made me start eating smaller portions all the time. I have an old book - I could probably start right up and lose a little...but I was looking at the stuff that is offered through the on-line version of Weight Watchers and I have to say I am excited. :) There is even an app that I can download on to my BlackBerry that will keep track of my points!!! I talked Jerry into letting me do the first 3 months - it comes out to about $55.00. I told him that if I don't see results and it isn't working then I won't do anymore. I want to jump right in and start - but I feel like I have to get ready or something...not a whole lot to do...I ate the last of the Christmas chocolate last night :) (on a side note - Valentine's Day is coming and I'm praying I don't get too much chocolate from my students - I'm a sucker for chocolate . . . I would have to eat it . . . it's my kryptonite!)

Okay - with all that in mind here we go with my new (Mid-January) resolution:

I will lose 45 - 50 lbs. this year! I know it's a lot...but I feel like I HAVE to get it off. Nothing fits like it did and I'm thinking I am going to have to start shopping in the tall store for tops just so they cover my belly...but not in a way that I look pregnant. Grrr...that is so much harder than you could imagine. I know the first place I'll lose - the first place I always seem to lose...and I'm worried because there isn't much left after nursing 4 babies. Okay...enough talk. I'm on a mission! I'm gonna bring back my skinny jeans! Heck, I'm gonna set a new standard for my skinny jeans. I'm gonna start today and get the things I need asap! I'm ready...I'm ready...I'm - I hear my kiddos waking up. *sigh* Guess I will have to wait just a little bit longer to get started...

So - the twins are sleeping a little bit better these days. It could be a growing spurt. It could be the introduction of rice cereal into their diet. It could be that they are just tired and going to cut me a break by being "easy" babies. (Please oh Please!) Whatever the case, they are going to sleep around 10:30/11:00 pm. They then wake up some time in between 3:00 and 6:00 am for a bottle...then they sleep until almost 11:00 am. I kid you not - I got them out of the crib about 25 minutes ago. It's wonderful.

All that being said, their big sister and big brother aren't on that schedule. If they were I would be guaranteed 4 more hours of sleep...but they aren't. See, after the 6:00 am bottle I snuggle the boys back into their crib and sneak back into my room. I slide into bed and stick my freezing cold feet on Jerry's leg to warm them up a bit. I close my eyes and hear a creek...and then pattering on the floor as one of the two "big kids" appears at my bedside. Usually (and thankfully) Nate is first. I can pull him up into bed and plop him in between Jerry and I and he will fall asleep. I may get another hour of sleep before I hear pittering and then see Danika at my bedside. If it is a dreary day I may convince her to fall back asleep for another hour...but if the sun is shining, forget about it. If I do get her to crawl into bed with me and Nate isn't fast asleep they begin fighting over who has prime real estate over my "neck picker". (neck picker = skin tag I've had on my neck for as long as I can remember that Nate has always picked at...ALWAYS...it's gotten better, but he still does it when he is tired or upset.) Danika likes to snuggle right up against me when she crawls into bed and if I can keep her from noticing Nate's arm around my neck I can get a little more sleep...but most of the time it ends up with me getting whacked in the nose as she tries to push his hand off of me and he reacts by swinging at her. Good morning to mama.

If the sun is shining when Danika makes her way to my room I am greeted with, "It's MORNING, mama. It's MOoRrNnING! Wake up! Wake up!" And that's it - I get no say in the matter. There is no extra 10/15 minutes. Danika does NOT have a snooze button.

That is usually how I end up rolling out of bed. I make it downstairs and get chocolate milk. Turn on the coffee pot (if I forgot to set it the night before - which I probably did) and turn on the TV for the kiddos. Make the formula...wash the bottles...get "big kids" snack (because they don't eat BREAKFAST right away...but something small to keep them from being too cranky. Then I spend probably 40 minutes on the computer. Mainly facebook and Google Reader - some email and then Twitter if I have time. Then it's breakfast...then they turn off the TV and play. Usually the babies are about ready to wake up, get changed and have a bottle...so that's next. It's also one of the best parts of my morning (most of the time)because my babies usually wake up happy. I hear them cooing and go up to find them both awake...and as soon as they see me...they SMILE. Not any smile but a smile that has nothing behind it but love. I get 2 huge toothless grins and sometimes even a giggle. It makes the fact that I'm 3 cups of coffee in and still exhausted just melt away. It makes the fact that I know I probably won't get to close my eyes again for at least 12 hours (after being awake for 4 already) not that big a deal. It makes me remember why I wanted another baby...it makes me a little sad that these are my last babies...and it makes me want to NEVER forget them at this age.

So, I didn't pick the book back up. Honestly, I didn't have time. I'm thinking of reading The Shack by Wm. Paul Young. I think I actually got it from my FIL, but the girls in my book club read it and say it's a must read. I also ordered a new book from Paperback Swap. If you have a lot of books hanging around and like to read you should check out Paperback Swap - if you don't already use it.

Anyway, I receive updates on The Happiness Project on my Google Reader. I came across an interview with Alexandra Levit.

I didn't really know who she was, but I found the interview interesting enough. In it she says that the one book that stood out on this subject with her is called, "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living." by Dale Carnegie. I'm thinking that it sounds right up my alley right now.

Don't get me wrong - I'm happy. Really. I love my children. I love my husband. I love my family. I love the few friends I have who I still keep in touch with and the new ones that I have made in the past 2 or 3 years. Things are a lot different than I thought they would be but they are also going to change. I fully understand that I am in a point in my life where I have little control over things. With 4 children as small as mine are it is virtually impossible for me to go anywhere by myself. I could go to my parents or Jerry's parents....but that's about the extent of my travels. That will change - eventually. I keep thinking that, ideally the "older" two will be able to help me with the younger two when we go to...say, the mall! Eh - we'll see, but I do know that I'm not going to be stuck at home forever. I'm trying to enjoy this stage...the 5 of us trapped inside. It definitely has made this house seem like our home...a crazy, cluttered, cramped roof over our head. :)

I'm rambling again - I don't think the coffee has really kicked in, yet. I will say that I've thought of 2 things to look forward to. One is in February and one is in March...We are going to see Nick Live (it's Dora, The Wonder Pets, Ni Ho Kia Lan and The Backyardagains) with the kiddos in February. They should have blast. It will be so much fun to watch them! Jerry and I also have an honest to God date scheduled for March 17th! We are going to see Michael Buble! The tickets were Christmas presents from my mom and dad. I seriously can't wait!

I made a mistake last night - I picked up the book my book club read in November and tried to read some more of it. I knew I shouldn't have because I had nightmares when I tried reading it the first time...but the book is like a car accident that you don't want to look at but can't keep your eyes off of. It's insanely depressing and makes me think all kinds of horrible thoughts. Those thoughts make it tough for me to breath (I actually had to tell myself to take slow/steady breaths). I become completely irrational and question everything - especially my existence, the point of everything, why I brought children into the world, etc. In other words, the meaning of life...because the book is basically about death. I have always had a fear of death - I deal with it by not thinking about it. I haven't had to deal with it in years...7 years this February to be exact. That was the last time someone I loved passed away. I dealt with it okay because there was the "at least she isn't suffering anymore" aspect of it. It wasn't sudden and I had time to prepare for it. I still went through all the stages you go through when you are grieving and it still hurt. I was busy, though - and probably didn't deal with it the way I should have at the time. I have no peace when it comes to death - I do believe in an afterlife, but I don't think about it because it creates panic in me and not peace. I know that this is because I LOVE my life and don't want it to change. I know it's because I can't imagine not having those I love around me.

Anyway - so this book, "The Year of Magical Thinking" by Joan Didion - talks about how she deals with the sudden passing of her husband and an ailing daughter. In her defense, she doesn't write in a way that is meant to depress you. She just doesn't sugar coat anything and really does give you a feel for what she went through. The general consensus at my book club was that it was too personal. You almost felt like you were intruding and seeing something you shouldn't. That's all true...it's extremely personal. Maybe that is why I can't finish it...I actually can't get past Chapter 5. She is an excellent writer and writes in a way that makes you feel what she feels - unfortunately, it isn't a way that I want to feel. I know I shouldn't try to read it again - but I probably will. I just don't like that it makes me feel so irrational.

When Joan discusses the things that she remembers about her husband, when she discusses how she goes over the events of his death again and again, when she talks about having the feeling that he will come back - that, even though she has publicly accepted it, she just cannot comprehend that he isn't coming back, when she talks about all of the things you have to deal with immediately after and then in the next month or 6 months or year, I just feel a tightness in my chest. It's because I know - I know that there is a possibility that some day I will have to deal with those same things. There is a chance that I will be in her position and be going through the things of a loved one deciding what to do with it all. I haven't lost a lot of people, yet. I have lost some - but I am blessed to still have so many family members in my life and those that I have lost I haven't had to do anything for. I was able to just focus on my feelings...I didn't have to make any decisions.

I pray that I don't have to deal with it any time soon - but I know it's coming. I think that's why I had to remind myself to calm down. It's easy for me to get caught up in the - every day is a day closer to all of these terrible things happening. It's a day closer to when I lose someone I love. It's a day closer to when I leave those that I love. It's a day closer to all of the things I dread coming to fruition. It's a good thing I have 4 beautiful children to distract me - it's a good thing that I have things to look forward to as well as dread. It's a good thing I'm busy. I know that sounds all gloom and doom and dramatic, etc. but I think that I've come up with a way to help me deal with it...and it's not that complicated. I am going to start writing down things to look forward to! I'm going to try to focus on being one day closer to something wonderful rather than one day closer to something awful. Maybe that's the point. Live looking forward to the good that is coming instead of dreading the inevitable.

Here's to hoping this post is one of a kind - and to starting my list! I'll share it when I get a chance...maybe the first thing to look forward to is getting a good night's sleep! :)

What a week I had - I missed being home sooo much this week and when I was home I had work things to "deal" with so I couldn't enjoy being home as much as I did the week before. Plus, for some reason no one wants to sleep around here - except for me and Jerry...but apparently we don't get much of a say in the matter. I'm so glad that I am able to drink coffee again - I NEED it every morning. :)

I did make it to church last week and am looking forward to going again this weekend. I figure they should have the snow pretty much under control and cleared up by then...it's suppose to stop tomorrow morning, last I heard. Make me nervous that Jerry had to go into work today...all the schools are closed and the roads don't look like they've been touched, yet. I don't think it's still snowing, but it's hard to tell. Plus, my dad and sister are in Cleveland! She had an appointment at the Cleveland Clinic - so they spent the night last night and are going to a follow up from the tests she took yesterday. They are planning on coming back tonight but we'll see.

I finished my book club book last night. It was "The Secret life of CeeCee Wilkes" by Diane Chamberlain. It was pretty good. I looked forward to cuddling up with it at night before Jerry would come up to bed. I like having a book to read...so I'm going to have to go up and pick one that's up on my shelf. I started reading "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage" by Dr. Laura - but I think I need some really mindless fiction to keep my interest. I got a bunch of Nora Roberts books at the New Ken Library used book sale over the summer - maybe I'll pick up one of those. I'll keep you posted. hehehe

Next week, I have school on Tuesday but not on Thursday...I'm looking forward to that - even though I just got back from having time off. The next week we have conferences - I'll have a sub in my room while I talk to parents. Then the following week I'll have to go for evening conferences on Wednesday...it's the same week as book club, which I haven't pointed out to Jerry, yet - because that means that he will be home alone with the kiddos 2 nights that week!

Well - off to get something done...who knows what...one thing is for sure, we are "snowbound" today!

Funny thing about this new year - I feel different. I didn't really make any New Years resolutions . . . well, that's not entirely true. My New Years resolution is to get my butt back to church. I've kind of accepted the fact that I'm not going to be able to take all 4 of my kids to church and keep my sanity. I'm going to have to leave some of them with DH and we are going to have to go at different times. Which is OK...because the main reason I stopped going to church was because I dreaded getting everyone up and ready in time...plus making sure I had all of the "necessary" items like drinks, snacks, books, etc. to keep the kiddos busy. I miss church - I'm looking forward to going back tomorrow.

All that being said, I feel different because I haven't stopped doing things around my house. I've been a lot less frustrated because I'm keeping busy. I have so much to do and really hope that I will be able to find a way to get organized soon. I have kind of made a promise to myself, though. I've promised that I will start to take a little more time for myself. I go to a book club, which meets the last Monday of the month. I also get together with some mommy friends once a month...which has been WONDERFUL!!! But I'm talking about some time everyday. I'm going to blog more - and not write for an audience...I'm going to write for myself. I know I have a small audience (Hi Lee! hehehe) and I'm sorry if I bore you to tears. I won't be offended if you stop reading after hearing story after story of my not-so-exciting life. However, I need to write for me. I am not even remotely close to being as social as I use to be. I don't talk to as many people as I once did...I LOVE facebook because it keeps me in touch with people I normally wouldn't be in touch with, but I don't talk to people anymore. It's going to sound strange, I'm sure, but my blog is going to be like that best friend who listens and doesn't have much to say...just listens.

We have a busy month ahead of us - and a busy year, too!

Danika will turn 3 this month. I'm soooo hoping that means the terrible 2s are over! I wish it were a switch so that when she turned 3 she would just stop being loud and whining all the time. I'm not holding my breath but you better believe I would be counting down the days if that were true.

All 4 children have appointments to see their peditrician - and no one is even sick! Nate goes first, then the twins, then Danika at the end of the month. The twins are the only ones getting vaccinations, but I dread all 3 visits. Danika will probably scream her head off the whole time and Nate...well, we'll see how he does.

I am looking forward to watching the twins get bigger...rice cereal and first fruits/veggies. I have a lot of big plans for getting myself back on track and starting to get things closer to feeling "normal" - even though I know there is no such thing as "normal". A woman I work with (who I greatly admire) told me that she once heard a saying, "The people you think are 'normal' are the people you don't know very well." It's so true. I am looking forward to regular bedtimes and dinnertimes and bath nights. I am looking forward to feeling better and doing more. I'm looking forward to the big spring cleaning that I'm going to be doing...I'm sooo purging my life of junk I don't need. I'm looking forward to losing a few pounds and fitting into my skinny jeans again - someday. I'm looking forward to my tax return (a perk of having 4 children!). I'm looking forward to helping babies learn to sit up, crawl and then maybe even walk this year! I'm looking forward to first birthdays and 2 out of 4 in preschool! I'm looking forward to a vacation - and Michael Buble!!!! I'm also looking forward to next Christmas - when I'm hoping to see this kind of excitement and awe again!

Happy New Year!