In a parallel universe somewhere, I am in the shower after a satisfying day at a job I absolutely love, getting ready to hit the town with friends and have a few too many cocktails and some stimulating adult conversation that will not involve bodily functions or talking animals. In that parallel universe, I am getting ready to dance the night away without a single thought about how early I have to wake up tomorrow because tomorrow is SATURDAY and I never wake up before 11 on a Saturday, in that parallel universe, that is. I'm also still smoking and will probably be smoking close to a pack tonight while dancing and drinking - and not worried about it, in that parallel universe, that is - because it's Friday. In a parallel universe, I will probably pass out from too much of everything tonight around 3 am - but it's no big deal, because (like I said) I'll be sleeping in tomorrow.

In reality, I'm sitting in front of my laptop (having not showered today) with no makeup on, my hair (which is in desperate need of a cut and dye) is pulled up in a bun with those wispy pieces that won't stay put flying away all over the place. I'm waiting for my husband to get home so that I can hear him say, "What did you do all day?" when he sees the state of the house - which I DID clean...but that was like 45 minutes ago and the kids have already trashed it again. So, I will probably not talk to him for at least an hour after he makes the comment. After dinner (which is in the oven already), I will let him clean the kitchen while I sit patiently as my 2 children climb all over me crying and screaming because my lap isn't big enough for both of them at once...at least not anymore. Then, I will fight with them to get them to bed. I will eventually collapse into my own bed only to not be able to fall asleep, even though I know that I will have to wake up at some insanely early hour tomorrow to start the whole process over again.

Sound fun? Of course it does! Much more fun than that parallel universe...I mean who wants to still be doing those things in their 30's? Sometimes I do - sometimes I don't...tonight, I do. I will admit that today is one of those days I miss being single and not a mother. I miss having time to myself. I miss being able to think only about myself. I miss not having to worry about anyone else. I miss having money. I miss talking to adults about things other than my kids. I miss staying out, getting drunk and sleeping in late.

Truth is, I will probably never do those things again. I can't imagine a time when I won't worry about my kids. I can't imagine being able to completely relax ever again. Okay...so I'm being a little over dramatic here, but seriously there are so many things to worry about at every age! Right now I worry about them getting hurt by doing something they didn't know they shouldn't do. Things like diving face first of the couch - which my daughter did on Tuesday night.

Once they get into school I'll have a whole new set of worries. Do they understand what they are learning? Are they smart or stupid? Do other kids like them? Do they have friends? Are other kids nice to them? Are they nice to other kids? Do they listen to the teacher? Are they respectful?

I won't even go on to the worries I'll have as they get even older - okay, maybe a few...Are they doing drugs? Are they hanging out with the right crowd? Are they making smart choices when it comes to sex? Are they wearing their seat belt? Is the driver of the car they are in a good driver? Are they a good driver?

I think that I have officially worked myself into a panic attack.

I'm going to have a glass of wine and eat a bag of Hershey Kisses.

Then when my husband gets home I can tell him I drank a glass of wine and ate a bag of Hershey Kisses today...since he is going to ask anyway.