Perfecting Imperfection

So ~ Courtney, over at Make Me A Blessing, started using Windows Live Writer and was raving about it.  I decided to give it a try, too…see what all her fuss was about.  I’ll have to play around with it a little bit – but I already like that you can do more with the font and it seems like there is a lot more options. 

I really enjoyed Friday Follow.  However, after the past two Fridays I am drowning in blogs!  I try to follow blogs I will find interesting – and I follow everyone who follows me.  I think I added 10 blogs to my Google Reader on Friday – I’m still not caught up.  I guess I’m going to have to go through and pick the ones I really want to get into and focus on those.  My time is limited – and I feel like I’m all over the place these days!

What do you do?  If you participate in Friday Follow, how do you keep up?  I logged onto my Google Reader after 1 day of not really being able to spend anytime reading and I had over 170 unread posts!  I guess part of my problem is that I like to comment on the blogs that I read – which takes extra time!

The main reason I didn’t get to read many blogs this Friday was that I had my niece, Angelina, here with us for the day.  I wasn’t really worried about her being here – even though she fights with Danika and Danika has a lot of trouble sharing with her.  All three of the “big kids” ended up on our Naughty Step at one point or another…but I do have proof that they can play nice together!

 

Now, they did manage to get EVERY toy out of EVERY box and container in the house.  They even went down to the basement (aka the “Toy Store” in our house – Nate’s name for it since that’s where we store the overflow of toys) and they played down there.  I have yet to actually clean up the havoc they reeked down there – I just haven’t been getting enough sleep to get up the energy.  For some reason the babies weren’t sleeping well.  Thursday and Friday night they were up at insane hours wanting fed and held.  Last night was better, though, so of course I picked last night to catch up on some TV.

We watch quite a few TV series these days.  We didn’t for the first few years we were married – it was too tough to be tied down to sitting in front of the TV at a certain time of the week.  Because of the beauty of DVR, we are hooked on TV again.  Last night we caught up on episodes of – Spartacus Blood and Sand, Community and Parenthood. 

Now – Spartacus is bad TV.  Really bad, actually.  So bad that we can’t help but watch it.  I say at least once per episode that we should stop watching it – but I know we won’t.  We are too curious about what will happen to this man turned gladiator who lost everything and has nothing left to live for . . .

Community just rocks!  It started out kind of slow…but man is it awesome now!  I LOVE Joel McHale and in this week’s episode he takes his clothes off!!  I seriously would have never guessed he was so well defined.  Plus, the whole Abed/Troy friendship cracks me up…they are hysterical.

Parenthood was okay.  I think my biggest problem with this pilot was that there was too much drama and not enough comedy.  The movie was a good mix of drama and comedy – this seemed like one problem after another with only one small piece of comic relief (one that was already shown on the preview).  I will keep watching it, though because Peter Krause is a favorite of mine.  I did cry real tears while watching.  When Peter’s character’s wife confronts him about their son, Max, possibly having Aspergers.  Of course, he is in denial and she looks at him and says, “There is something wrong with our baby.  Please, don’t make me go through this alone.”  Max looks to be about 5 or 6 in the show…maybe a little older.  The fact that she used the word baby was probably a major contributing factor to why I was bawling my eyes out.  It reminded me of that Olympics commercial -  

Made me cry EVERY time!

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So - besides being Friday Follow is is also Five Question Friday...figured I'd kill 2 birds with one stone (so to speak) since I'm actually up in a somewhat quite house! 3 out of 4 are still sleeping - as they should be at 6am - but my "baby baby" is up and ready to go because he went down at 6 pm and never got back up last night. Slept the whole night through!




1. What's your guilty pleasure?

Hmm...blogging.  Reading blogs, writing blogs - they all take up time that I could be doing other things.  I try to squeeze it in when I don't have other things to do, but I ALWAYS have other things to do. 

2. What is your favorite TV series?

We hardly ever watched TV until we got our DVR - now we record everything and catch up on it when the kids are asleep.  I have a couple favorites but the two that I've really been enjoying that aren't on a premium channel (because I don't count those as TV for some reason) are Glee and The Good Wife - not necessarily in that order.

3. Can you speak any foreign languages?

Nope - I took Latin in High School to help with my SAT grades.  I'm not sure if it did that or not.  My SAT's were pretty good but nothing amazing.  I didn't mind taking Latin, but I do wish I would have taken a more practical language - HOWEVER if you ask my Latin teacher he would tell you that Latin words are the roots for all of those other languages...so if you understand Latin you can understand all of those other languages, too.  Maybe, but you can't speak them...

4. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

I hate shoe shopping...really, I do.  I own...8 pairs of shoes.  2 pairs of tennis shoes, 1 pair of dress boots, 1 pair of winter boots, 1 pair of Crocs, 1 pair of dress shoes (black), 1 pair of sandals, and I think 1 pair of flip flops.  I have purchased shoes for special occasions like weddings, but I always end up getting rid of them shortly after because I know I'll never wear them again and they just collect dust.

My husband, however, is addicted to shoes.  He probably has 20-25 pairs.  I make him throw a pair out every time he buys a new pair because we have no more room for his shoes.  Go figure.

5. What's your favorite kind of M&M's...peanut, almond, straight up regular, etc.?

I like ALL M&M's.  In fact you would be hard pressed to find a piece of milk or dark chocolate that I don't like...not a fan of white chocolate, though.

I'd have to say that the dark chocolate M&M's are probably my favorite with the almond ones coming in a close second!

So...there you go!  Head on over to Mama M's place and grab the questions to play, too!  Leave me a comment so I can come read your answers!

I have a problem when it comes to my kids.  Other than DH (because they are his kids, too), I don't like to ask for help from people.  I will ask for help if I am in desperate need of it - but I don't like to ask for help.  Some days, I actually LONG for the time when I will be able to pay a well researched, responsible high school student to watch my children (or two...since I have four kids!).

I feel so guilty when I ask a relative to babysit my kids, that I don't ask unless I have no other option (like staying home while Jerry does whatever it is I need done - or Jerry staying home while I go).  Part of the guilt comes from the fact that I am blessed to still be happily married and still have my health.  Not everyone in my family is as lucky as I am in that aspect - so I often feel guilty because they need the help more than I do.  The problem is that there are a lot of times I need help and don't ask - which leads to me being upset and frustrated.  I end up feeling overwhelmed and taking that out on DH.  I end up feeling stuck and hiding out from my kiddos until I get my senses back and realize I'm just being over dramatic - but when I'm feeling it...it's a real feeling.  Luckily, it never lasts long...and I always look back and realize I probably overreacted.

I know that it's 150% my fault.  (After all...I'm not perfect.)  I don't want to "bother" anyone - I don't want to add to their already busy and complicated lives by dumping my needs on top of all the stuff they already have to deal with.  No one really ever ASKS to spend time with my kids without me there.  Are they suppose to?  Am I waiting around for something that doesn't usually happen?

I was really worried, when I thought about how to get this off my chest, that it would sound like I trying to look like some kind of martyr.  I'm not.  I was worried that I would sound like I'm whining.  Maybe I am...a little.  I know that it is my fault that I don't get the help I need - I don't ask but if I did the help would probably be there.  Plus, if I ask and it isn't there (which has happened, too), then I'm no worse off than before I asked, right? 

The thing is . . . I don't want to be one of those people who is always dumping their kids off on other people.  This is my life now - I have 4 very small children and I pretty much have NO social life.  I know it won't always be like this...but isn't this the way it is suppose to be right now? 

My husband doesn't have your typical 9-5  / M-F job, which really stinks when it comes to me getting any time out of the house.  I can't tell you how much I wish he had Saturdays off...or was home every night by 5:30.  We would be able to get out of the house all together.  Go somewhere with the kids...I can't do that by myself.  NO WAY!  Maybe this is just the winter blues talking. 

Right now, though, his job is perfect for our situation (well...not perfect, but pretty good) because he has Tuesdays off - which means we don't have to find a place for the kids to go while I go to work on Tuesdays...just Thursdays.  He has a job, though - which not everyone can say - and it's a good one.  We want a lot of things but there isn't really anything we need that we don't have.

I guess the whole point of me opening this can of worms is that I don't know how to get over that guilty feeling I have when other people have to deal with my kids.  I feel like I'm the one who has to discipline them, comfort them so they stop crying, change them, feed them, dress them, bathe them...I am the one that should be doing that.  However, lately, trying to do that, laundry, work, cook, clean and maintain a little sanity is starting to be a bit much.  I keep telling myself it will get easier - especially when I don't have to make every trip to the potty with my daughter and the twins can feed themselves!  Yesterday, I was talking to one of the women I work with who has 5 children...she just looked so tired and said to me, "You think it's going to get easier - but really it just gets busier."  I can't worry about the future, though...that really overwhelms me.  I have to focus on now...and right now I have to go switch the laundry, clean up the breakfast dishes and take Danika to the potty...

I had big plans today.

Okay, not really big plans but I had a lot of things I wanted to do. I was off to a pretty decent start, too. I had all the blogs read in my Google Reader (which I'm still just not happy with how cluttered it became), I had a load of laundry folded, one in the dryer and one in the washer. I had all children fed, dressed and pretty happy. Then...it happened.

It started with a phone call from DH around 11:00.  Something like this:

Him:  "Did you know that deposit check we gave to Comcast cleared?"

Me:  "No.  Maybe that means they will be here sometime this week then?"

Him:  "Maybe I will try to find their number and give them a call later today."

Me:  "Okay, if you can't find it call me and I'll look it up online.  Gotta go...baby's crying"

Him: "I'll call you later, love you."

Me:  "Love you, too"

I then went about the rest of my morning - still in my pajamas (which I rarely change out of on a MONDAY).

About 40 minutes later...

Him:  "I called Comcast."

Me:  "Cool, what did they say?"

Him:  "Well, after I got through all the press '1' for this and '2' for that stuff I got an estimated date and time."

Me:  "Okay, when?"

Him:  "Any time between 12 and 4."

Me:  "Today?"

Him:  "Today."

Me:  "Shit."

Now - I only say that because I was (like I said) still in my pajamas.  There were toys EVERYWHERE.  The kitchen was a mess and I didn't dust the TV stand.  Plus, it was 11:45ish...so, I had no time to waste.

Luckily, my amazing MIL came over and took my 2 "big kids" with her to deliver leftovers from the GIGANTIC, 23 lb turkey she made for dinner last night to Memaw (her mother) and Aunt Mare.  So, I had them out of my hair.

About 10 after 12, the cable guy called and said he'd be here soon.  Of course, right before he got there both babies woke up and needed changed and fed.  Whew...at least he was a pretty nice guy.  He wasn't willing to do too much set up - not that I blame him for not wanting to fool around with my husband's stereo or our wireless router (which had been giving us problems with Verizon).  He was here for about an hour or so and it seems (knock on wood) that everything is working just like it is suppose to be.  Fingers crossed it stays that way!

After he left it took me another 40-45 minutes to get my laptop up and running connected to Comcast - and I even downloaded their FREE Norton!  Yay for free virus protection.

So...now it's off to figure out what the heck I had DH buy chicken thighs for the other day when I sent him to the grocery store.  I'm sure it was some recipe I was looking at...I just can't seem to find it.