Perfecting Imperfection

So ~ the concert was great…I mean look how happy I was before we even got inside!

 

I was really excited for the concert but it was also great to get a little break from being Mommy for a while and focus on being with Jerry.  Awww ~ I know some of you just had a bit of a gag reflex . . . but deal with it.  I’m now, once again, madly in love with my husband and can’t get enough of him! 

For reasons I can (and cannot) blog about here, I smiled pretty much all day yesterday.  Nothing really bothered me, even when I was bothered.  Work seemed easier and my kids seemed a little bit more well behaved (except for Danika right after her nap – does anyone know why 3 year old girls insist on crying for 20 minutes after waking up from a nap?).

Anyway ~ back to the concert…We started the evening with dinner at Longhorn Steak House.  Yummy – I got to eat a hot meal and didn’t have to pick 1 thing off the floor or try to cut something with one hand because I was holding a baby in the other! 

After dinner, we headed down to Pitt’s Campus and the Peterson Event Center for the show.  Parking (just like everyone said it would be) was horrendous!  We got there early enough that there was a garage near by that we could squeeze into – and I do mean SQUEEZE.  I can’t imagine if we would have had the van – Jerry’s little car barely made the turns!

We walked around for a little bit and watched the college kids who were enjoying the nice weather.  There was a very small grassy area next to the event center where they were throwing Frisbee and tossing footballs around.  It made me miss college a teeny tiny bit – but I LOVED school…so that’s not really a surprise.

After getting to our seats, the opening act started.  We didn’t know there was going to be an opening act – but we were pleasantly surprised.  These guys were pretty awesome.  Naturally 7 makes all their “music” with their voices.   No instruments – just them.   It’s worth checking out – we actually bought their cd (which Michael Buble sings a song on with them) and got their autographs!  Really nice guys, too!  Each one of them took the time to shake our hands and say hello.  Looked us straight in the eye, too!  I know they were probably told that it would make a difference if they did – and it does.  :)  They opened with this song.

As I expected, Michael was awesome.  He was funny ~ which I remembered well from the first time we went to see him.  He was cute ~ which I also remembered well from the first time we saw him.  He gave it his all – he even made fun of us a bit…after all he’s Canadian and they love their hockey.  He commented on how we need to shut up about the whole Gold Medal thing…after all we have been lucky enough to watch great players like Lemieux play in our city and have a little bit of Crosby and Malkin on our team now.  hehehe

The whole show was wonderful.  I was surprised when I read a review that didn’t RAVE about it…then I realized why it didn’t.  I noticed that Michael’s voice seemed a little bit off…it seemed tired.  However, he is an amazing performer and when he gets you in the moment while he’s singing you don’t hear that he doesn’t hit every note perfectly (or that he was a little pitchy, as they ALWAYS say on American Idol…I hate when they use pitchy as a critique.)  He gives you a great show and you walk away really feeling like he was singing to you…even with 9,000 other people around you.

Watch this – and you will see what I mean.  This isn’t a recording from Pittsburgh, but this is how he closed his show.  There was no screaming or anything at the end in Pittsburgh.  It was so quiet you could hear a pin drop in the bathroom on the first floor of the arena.  It was amazing.  I started tearing up.  I think Jerry may have even sniffled a little (but it could have been from the disgusting perfume the girl in front of us was wearing – yuck!)

I can’t wait until he comes back.  I will definitely be there – hopefully with closer seats but I would sit anywhere and just be happy to be in the same building as him.  (BTW – that’s extremely similar to the line I used to get my dad to take me to see Metallica when I was a Freshman in HS.  I said, “It’s okay, Dad.  At least I’ll be in the same State as them.”  We had tickets the next day!  Love ya, Dad – you buy the best concert tickets!)

This is my second week doing the QOTW over at Multiples and More and this one is an interesting one that I’ve actually come in contact with before.

Do you think parents of multiples are more likely to become divorced? Why or why not?

I’ve been married for a little under 6 years.  I have 4 children under the age of 5.  The youngest 2 are twin boys.  I can’t imagine doing this without my husband.

I bought this book:  Mothering Twins: From Hearing the News to Beyond the Terrible Twos and the topic of mothers and fathers of multiples being in the highest bracket for divorce was brought up.  I know it is stressful – but it is NOT the only (and probably not the main) cause of these families falling apart.

In my honest opinion I think that having multiples . . . No, I KNOW that having multiples causes a lot of stress on a marriage.  However, I think people who make bad decisions and get married for the wrong reasons to the wrong person are much more likely to get divorced than a loving, committed, happy couple who has more than one baby at a time. 

If you get divorced because you have multiples then there was probably something wrong with your marriage in the first place – or their would have been something wrong even without the multiple birth.  I know a lot of people who have not been able to make their first marriages work – none of them have multiples. 

Divorce happens too often in this country and hurts a lot of people when it does.  I make an extra effort to not judge people who are divorced because I don’t think that anyone can fully understand the very personal reasons that it happens.

As far as my relationship with Jerry goes, having multiples has changed it.  I really feel that it has (so far) made us a lot closer and more of a team…on good days.  The problem is that the work NEVER ends.  It is exhausting and I think there are often times when I feel like he isn’t doing enough – and times when he feels like I’m not doing enough. 

We both try very hard not to let those things cause problems between us – it doesn’t always work, but we try.  We have had to become much more verbal with each other in order to not get angry all the time – communication has become so much more important.  You learn fast that you can’t expect the other person to read your mind – there is just too much noise in the house for that to EVER happen.

On the other hand, knowing when to let things go because it isn’t worth getting into a fight about has become equally important.  It is also important to not jump to conclusions and take the time to talk things out or get all of the information.  Like when he taps me on the shoulder at 4 am and tells me it is my turn to go put the binkie back in Dean’s mouth so he will stop crying because he got out of bed and did it last time.  I feel like calling him a liar because I didn’t feel him get out of bed.  I didn’t even hear Dean cry!  I’m exhausted and in a deep deep sleep and he has to wake me up to go put a binkie in that I don’t want to try to find in the dark anymore than he does…Then I realize (when he tells me) that I didn’t hear Dean the two times before (at 1 am and 3 am) because he let me sleep through it!

I guess the one thing I would tell parents who just found out they are having multiples is that it is important to take care of each other, too.  Love your partner and make sure that they know you love them.  Be there for each other and really become a TEAM!  Jerry and I considered ourselves a team from the moment our first “singleton” came into this world.  We grew into a stronger team when our second “singleton” arrived.  We were a little (understatement of the year) nervous when our “multiples” were on their way – but now that they are here we are stronger than ever…not perfect, but still happy and in love with each other.

So, if you’ll excuse me, I’m headed upstairs to stick my freezing cold feet under the covers and find Jerry’s warm ones…I might even whisper to him how grateful I am to be on this journey with him by my side!

I have a problem when it comes to my kids.  Other than DH (because they are his kids, too), I don't like to ask for help from people.  I will ask for help if I am in desperate need of it - but I don't like to ask for help.  Some days, I actually LONG for the time when I will be able to pay a well researched, responsible high school student to watch my children (or two...since I have four kids!).

I feel so guilty when I ask a relative to babysit my kids, that I don't ask unless I have no other option (like staying home while Jerry does whatever it is I need done - or Jerry staying home while I go).  Part of the guilt comes from the fact that I am blessed to still be happily married and still have my health.  Not everyone in my family is as lucky as I am in that aspect - so I often feel guilty because they need the help more than I do.  The problem is that there are a lot of times I need help and don't ask - which leads to me being upset and frustrated.  I end up feeling overwhelmed and taking that out on DH.  I end up feeling stuck and hiding out from my kiddos until I get my senses back and realize I'm just being over dramatic - but when I'm feeling it...it's a real feeling.  Luckily, it never lasts long...and I always look back and realize I probably overreacted.

I know that it's 150% my fault.  (After all...I'm not perfect.)  I don't want to "bother" anyone - I don't want to add to their already busy and complicated lives by dumping my needs on top of all the stuff they already have to deal with.  No one really ever ASKS to spend time with my kids without me there.  Are they suppose to?  Am I waiting around for something that doesn't usually happen?

I was really worried, when I thought about how to get this off my chest, that it would sound like I trying to look like some kind of martyr.  I'm not.  I was worried that I would sound like I'm whining.  Maybe I am...a little.  I know that it is my fault that I don't get the help I need - I don't ask but if I did the help would probably be there.  Plus, if I ask and it isn't there (which has happened, too), then I'm no worse off than before I asked, right? 

The thing is . . . I don't want to be one of those people who is always dumping their kids off on other people.  This is my life now - I have 4 very small children and I pretty much have NO social life.  I know it won't always be like this...but isn't this the way it is suppose to be right now? 

My husband doesn't have your typical 9-5  / M-F job, which really stinks when it comes to me getting any time out of the house.  I can't tell you how much I wish he had Saturdays off...or was home every night by 5:30.  We would be able to get out of the house all together.  Go somewhere with the kids...I can't do that by myself.  NO WAY!  Maybe this is just the winter blues talking. 

Right now, though, his job is perfect for our situation (well...not perfect, but pretty good) because he has Tuesdays off - which means we don't have to find a place for the kids to go while I go to work on Tuesdays...just Thursdays.  He has a job, though - which not everyone can say - and it's a good one.  We want a lot of things but there isn't really anything we need that we don't have.

I guess the whole point of me opening this can of worms is that I don't know how to get over that guilty feeling I have when other people have to deal with my kids.  I feel like I'm the one who has to discipline them, comfort them so they stop crying, change them, feed them, dress them, bathe them...I am the one that should be doing that.  However, lately, trying to do that, laundry, work, cook, clean and maintain a little sanity is starting to be a bit much.  I keep telling myself it will get easier - especially when I don't have to make every trip to the potty with my daughter and the twins can feed themselves!  Yesterday, I was talking to one of the women I work with who has 5 children...she just looked so tired and said to me, "You think it's going to get easier - but really it just gets busier."  I can't worry about the future, though...that really overwhelms me.  I have to focus on now...and right now I have to go switch the laundry, clean up the breakfast dishes and take Danika to the potty...

 Never let it be said that my husband can't take a hint.  In this post I talk about how he isn't very romantic.  Then this morning this shows up:

So Valentine's Day is right around the corner.  We aren't really big Valentine's Day celebrators in our house.  In fact, with the kids coughing and hacking and the snow holding us prisoner this week I haven't had a chance to get out and do any shopping...not that I get a chance when we aren't sick and snowed in.  I thought about making something (you know like an old fashioned valentine complete with doily and pink and red hearts) or baking/cooking something special (which would require a trip to the grocery store) but I haven't made any definite decision, yet.  If I figure it out I will let you know...in the mean time, I stumbled upon Five Question Friday and thought I'd give it a shot.  Maybe it'll be something I'll do frequently, but either way I figured it would give me a good chance to brag about DH a little.