Perfecting Imperfection

So - we have been hit with the "bugs" that are going around. Somehow we me managed to get them in back to back weeks. 2 weeks ago (on Wednesday) my children started throwing up - it was around 11 pm. and it continued until about 6 am. DH and I both called off work Thursday because we were exhausted from running a child to the bathroom to puke every half hour. We spent all day Thursday sleeping and I'm not entirely convinced that any of us are back on schedule. I had the stomach thing Tuesday - I didn't really throw up because I wouldn't eat anything. Long story short, I spent most of my time curled up on my bed praying that I would puke so I could feel better - something that previously only happened after too much fun the night before.

So, the next day (Wednesday - one week from when the puking first appeared) we decided to clean. I mean really clean the house. That's when the coughing and hacking and sniffling arrived. Not for me or DH, but for both kids. Danika was the worst and she's still not 100%. She looks so pathetic - but I don't think the doctor would give her anything any way...so I'm not going to spend the $25 copay unless she shows signs of something other than a head cold.

My #1 problem right now (the one I should be dealing with instead of blogging) is that I told my husband that, "Yes, lets move the computer upstairs" the Wednesday the kids got their head colds. This wouldn't have been a problem, but we never finished because Danika was in a "mommy sit and hold me I don't feel good mood". So...now my house is a total and complete wreck. I have no space for stuff and no idea where I'm putting anything. Plus, DH is at work and I can't move anything by myself. Argh - frustrating. I'm hoping this weekend we get it all straightened out because I CAN'T live like this.

I love the museum. My husband and I have fond memories of strolling through the museum looking at all of the beautiful, amazing and awe-inspiring objects - whether it be art or some giant prehistoric creature or a stuffed bear, giraffe or monkey of some sort. For some odd reason the museum actually is (or I should say was) a sort of aphrodisiac for my husband. We loved the museum...so yesterday, we decided our children would love the museum as much as we do and we should take them! Umm...I should mention we decided to take our 3 and 2-year-old to the Art and Natural History Museum - not the Children's museum or the Science Center where there are interactive things for them to do - buttons for them to push, things for them to crawl on. NO - we took them to the "Please do not touch" museum. Hmm...yeah - that was a great idea.

So, the line I've been getting most these days is, "You know, they figured out what causes that..." Really? They figured out what causes pregnancy? No way! Shut the *bleep* up already!!! (Yeah, I don't really swear a whole lot - but these days I feel the itch to let people know I'm serious!)

We had friends over the other day - friends who I love dearly - and even their "well - meaning" remarks made me cry when I rehashed them later that night. It was little comments made when things were kind of stressful with my current kiddos - my kids are 3 and 2...they are learning...they will be better when new baby gets here...I'm sure of it. But in the middle of an all out screaming fit by my son while my daughter is smearing icing all over her face my dear friend looks at me and smiles and says, "Wow, dear, you are really gonna have your hands full!" chuckle chuckle. Really? Having 3 kids ages 4 to newborn is going to be kind of difficult at time? No way! Shut the *bleep* up already!!! (Which of course I didn't say...but really wanted to.)

Then there is the "Better you than me", "Congratulations, I guess.", "You're crazy.", "Did you WANT 3?", "You know they only make 2 kinds and you already have one of each - hope you weren't expecting something different." Really? No way! Shut the *bleep* up already!

I'm sure that both of my other pregnancies were filled with this same wave of panic in the beginning. I'm sure that I wasn't sure what I had gotten myself into. I'm sure that I was a little bit sad to end a chapter of my life and nervous about what new changes the new one was going to bring. It's the same right now...with this pregnancy...and I have such a long wait ahead of me to find out the answers.

Part of me is really sad that we are going from 4 to 5 - because 4 is such and even number...and 2 guys and 2 gals is so "balanced" (you can thank my DH for that comment). We are now going to be outnumbered. Someone will always be without a partner on the roller coaster.

Then again, I could be doing all this worry for nothing. I worried about how Danika would change our family dynamics because I wanted to make sure that I gave Nate enough attention when the new baby got here. I was worried he wouldn't feel loved or something. I was also worried that I couldn't love a new baby as much as I loved Nate. They were both silly...and Nate LOVES having a sister and I LOVE both of my kid equally but in unique ways and for unique reasons.

I'm just a little panicked about doing it all over again. I'm more than a little panicked. I'm really panicked. We aren't all going to be able to fit in one car...unless I move Nate to a booster seat - which isn't as safe and makes me nervous. So...we are going to at the very least think about getting a new car. Our house has 3 bedrooms. I know that each child doesn't have to have their own bedroom...but the bedrooms are small. The closets are small. The whole damn house is small. So we are also thinking about a new house, too. Then there is my job. I haven't told them yet. I haven't really had the chance to and I think I may wait a little while...like until after my first doctor's visit. I'm not very good at waiting, though. I'll probably spill the beans tomorrow. I'm that bad - I never waited to tell anyone when I was pregnant.

All that being said - I still have moments when I get excited about all of the things coming up. I am excited about having another baby...I should probably put all of the other stuff into God's hands and trust he'll take care of it, but I'm a control freak...always have been...always will be.

I guess the best I can do right now is enjoy the ride - it is probably the last time I'll be taking it and I will probably remember this one the best...because I kind of know what to expect and I'm not as worried or scared about the same things I was when I was pregnant with Nate. I remember Danika's birth a lot better than I do Nate's...so I'm sure I'll remember this one the best. ;)

Well, I'm gonna go eat something - seems like that's all I want to do these days.