Perfecting Imperfection

The past 2 or 3 days I've been feeling pretty good. I attribute it to a couple different things, but mainly because I've been sleeping better - which, of course, leads to me getting more sleep and being awake and less tired. Anyway - I've been able to do a little housework while feeling better. While I discourage you from doing this...if you wanted to...although I don't know why you would...but you could eat off of almost any surface in my bathroom because it's so clean! :)

I have one problem though - okay, I take that back...I have 2 problems. 1) I don't know what to do with the clothes my kids have outgrown that I just can't bring myself to part with because we really haven't found out what the twins are yet. Part of me says that I should get rid of it all and just get more as I need it because I have SO much stuff. Another part of me thinks that is so stupid...why would I get rid of stuff I have that I will need? 2) My children enjoy destroying anything I clean...for example, I put all the toys in the toy box and they take them out. I put all the winter clothes to store in a box and they throw the clothes around the room - in the 3 minutes it takes me to go downstairs and get a drink and a garbage bag an hour of work is undone.

Other than those 2 issues things are good - and other than the bathroom you can't tell I've cleaned a damn thing. Grr...

I have this wonderful friend who I love dearly who is taking the news that we are having twins similar to the way you would take news that someone has 6 months to live. She is a mother and has a beautiful little boy and an adorable little girl. Her son came first - then her daughter. I started having my children later than she did . . . but caught up really quick. We had talked time and time again about Jerry going to get "snipped" like her DH did. I had pretty much come to accept that we were going to have 2 kids. I was okay with it. I was actually getting use to the idea and I could tell you without hesitation why it was going to be best if we stopped at 2. We (my friend and I) were in total agreement and laughed at those who had more than 2 kids...they clearly didn't know what they were in for when the kids grew up. We were the smart ones - we weren't going to get caught dead in that situation.

Fast forward to now - yeah...as you can imagine we aren't on the same page anymore. I am truly excited about the twins. I have a completely different feeling about it now. Not that all of the reasons I only wanted 2 aren't valid and still true. It's not going to be easy paying to raise 4 children. We aren't going to get to go on the big family vacations - unless we win the lottery or one of us gets a kick ass job. I know that things are going to be rough. We are going to need a lot of help - especially in the beginning. We are going to stress out. We are going to worry. But we are also going to laugh and have wonderful memories. I'm hoping that I can raise 4 wonderful children who will go on to raise their own children and so on and so on. We aren't going to have everything we want...but we will have fun.

Anyway - my friend is still stuck on her 2 is best kick. She hasn't said so - but I know that it's in her head. Now I'm one of the crazies with more than 2 kids...even though they aren't born yet. When I told her twins she told me she was SORRY!!! I'm trying to keep in mind that I am the one that changed - but I'm not sure how to tell her I'm happy about this. I know it will come to it sooner or later. I just don't want her to be upset. Eh - I worry too much. I'm sure it will be fine.

Well ~ we went for our ultrasound yesterday. We didn't have one earlier because my ob said that, unless we were concerned or there were any problems, there was no real need for us to go and have an early one. So, we waited and decided that we would just go at 18 weeks...so that there was a chance we could tell what we were having this time.

We found out alright - we are having TWINS!!!

We were shocked to say the very least. I've been trying desperately to stay calm and not think about what having 4 children (all under the age of 4 when the twins arrive) means. Don't get me wrong - I know this is a blessing. I am excited. I'm also already tired. I also know that I'm probably never going to sleep again. I know that I'm going to have to get my act together and get my house in some kind of shape. I'm going to have to get some kind of schedule going so that I can get everything done that I need to do - and I'm going to have to really stick to the schedule.

The problem right now is that I'm exhausted - seriously exhausted. Plus, there is the whole work issue. I make about 600 a month at my 2 day a week job. Not bad - it's enough to help with groceries and such...it's been making life a lot more comfortable. :) Plus, it gets me out of the house and I do enjoy it. I just can't fathom how on earth I'm going to get my butt out of bed, dressed and get 4 children ready to go anywhere before 9 am for the first 6 months. There are also so many variables - what if one of the babies is sick? What if I have a c-section and need to heal longer than I thought? What if I just can't get it together? It's not that I don't want to go back to work...it's not that I want to stay home with my kids...it's just that I'm nervous it's going to be too much.

So there is that to worry about. Then there is the issue of room. I was already stressing out because we live in a 3 bedroom house and there was going to be 5 of us. Now there are going to be 6! It kind of makes the whole thing a little easier for now...but it also makes it obvious that we will be moving in the future. I figure that the babies are going to have to share a room and we are just going to have to stick Nate and Danika together for a while. We are going to be so outnumbered.

Okay - I'm going to try to get Danika to fall back asleep...and maybe get some sleep myself. If I can stop worrying for long enough. :)

Okay - so I actually didn't fall for any April Fools jokes today. However, I was kind of struck by how text messaging has made the art of fooling someone on April Fools Day sort of unimportant. Now anyone can send you a text and get you good - or if you are like me...at least make you think about it.

Case in point, my brother-in-law sends me a text today, "Lorrie called...looks like we are going to need that crib back..." Hmm...now, my sister-in-law physically could be pregnant. It's unlikely, though. I didn't hear him say these words so I can't tell you if he sounded like he was telling the truth or not...that makes this way too easy for him. I am then faced with the decision - A) Do I bite and then have him think that I am gullible just to avoid possibly offending him if he is in fact expecting another child? B) Do I call his bluff right away and then apologize like crazy if my gut instinct is correct? C) Do I make a joke back to him and, if it is an April Fools Day prank, have him trying to decide if I got it or not? It was a tough decision. However, I have a really hard time with my brother-in-law being 1 up on me...so I kind of called his bluff. I sent back, "Did you tell Jerry (my DH) yet? I'll let him decide if we should fall for this one or not. :)" He responded with, "Jerry fell for it hard - kinda figured you wouldn't."

Now, I have no problems with April Fools Day pranks. My friend in High School, Marci, once called me to tell me that her parents told her she had to move far away. I don't remember where but I do remember her calling me on the phone and telling me. She actually pretended she was too upset to talk and was "crying" on the phone. Her acting made me believe every word and I was more upset because she was moving than I was when that guy I dated Freshman year dumped me for a skank and then, after we got back together for a few months, dumped me for a taller skank with horrible teeth. When she called to tell me it was an April Fools Day prank I could have killed her...but I'll tell you what, she had talent. :)

This could be the beginning of a very long rant about how technology has totally screwed with the way things should be - but it would be a hypocritical one. There are sooo many things I love about technology. I love texting. I love that I can check on my kids while I'm working and no one will notice. I love that I can remind my husband he needs to pick something up on his way home before I forget yet without interrupting his day. I love the Internet. I love that any question I could possibly have I can find out the answer to...I also love that I can keep in touch with people so much easier and more often. So, you see I do love technology...but there are so many concerns I have about kids who don't know what it's like to not have some of these things. My number 1 pet peeve - text language. I hate the abbreviations...the missing words...the whole disregard for grammar. I hate it for a lot of reasons and I have to wonder if it's having an impact on student work in High Schools. I read an article, though - in some woman's magazine - about how a mother didn't understand the language and lingo of her teenage daughter. The daughter would look at her with those eyes of embarrassment when she would use words like "cool" or "dope" (I can honestly say I've never used the word dope in my life). This meant that her irritation with the whole texting thing was a product of her being old. (At least that's the message I got from the article.) Monday, I will turn 32...when I was 10 years old, 32 was really old. So...maybe that's it. Maybe I'm old. I still think that April Fools pranks over text message are kind of lame. hehehe