Perfecting Imperfection

It's time to lose the baby weight. It's only getting worse and I'm only going to be able to hide from it for a little while longer. I gained a lot more weight with the twins than I did with Nate or Danika. Duh - I know...but I lost weight so easily after having Nate and Danika that I think I expected to lose it quickly this time as well. I mean after all I may have gained twice as much as I did with a single baby, but there was twice as much stuff in there that would, ahem, be coming out...I delivered 14 lbs of baby!!! I gained roughly 50 lbs with the twins - which is almost exactly double the 27ish I gained with Danika. It's just that this time around - my belly is still there. I know that eventually I will probably have to break down and actually *gasp* exercise. I hate exercise...it may be better now that I've been smoke free for over a year - I will probably be able to breath much better at the very least. But I digress...we are starting with a diet - exercise to come later.

So - when thinking about dieting I immediately thought about Weight Watchers. I did Weight Watchers a while ago - probably before I was even married - and had a lot of success with it. I was in the program for about 6 months or so and lost probably 30 or so lbs. I was able to change a lot, though. For example, I went from drinking regular Pepsi (which was a whopping 4 pts a can!) to Diet Pepsi (which was 0 pts!). I started eating smaller meals...which in turn made me start eating smaller portions all the time. I have an old book - I could probably start right up and lose a little...but I was looking at the stuff that is offered through the on-line version of Weight Watchers and I have to say I am excited. :) There is even an app that I can download on to my BlackBerry that will keep track of my points!!! I talked Jerry into letting me do the first 3 months - it comes out to about $55.00. I told him that if I don't see results and it isn't working then I won't do anymore. I want to jump right in and start - but I feel like I have to get ready or something...not a whole lot to do...I ate the last of the Christmas chocolate last night :) (on a side note - Valentine's Day is coming and I'm praying I don't get too much chocolate from my students - I'm a sucker for chocolate . . . I would have to eat it . . . it's my kryptonite!)

Okay - with all that in mind here we go with my new (Mid-January) resolution:

I will lose 45 - 50 lbs. this year! I know it's a lot...but I feel like I HAVE to get it off. Nothing fits like it did and I'm thinking I am going to have to start shopping in the tall store for tops just so they cover my belly...but not in a way that I look pregnant. Grrr...that is so much harder than you could imagine. I know the first place I'll lose - the first place I always seem to lose...and I'm worried because there isn't much left after nursing 4 babies. Okay...enough talk. I'm on a mission! I'm gonna bring back my skinny jeans! Heck, I'm gonna set a new standard for my skinny jeans. I'm gonna start today and get the things I need asap! I'm ready...I'm ready...I'm - I hear my kiddos waking up. *sigh* Guess I will have to wait just a little bit longer to get started...

So - the twins are sleeping a little bit better these days. It could be a growing spurt. It could be the introduction of rice cereal into their diet. It could be that they are just tired and going to cut me a break by being "easy" babies. (Please oh Please!) Whatever the case, they are going to sleep around 10:30/11:00 pm. They then wake up some time in between 3:00 and 6:00 am for a bottle...then they sleep until almost 11:00 am. I kid you not - I got them out of the crib about 25 minutes ago. It's wonderful.

All that being said, their big sister and big brother aren't on that schedule. If they were I would be guaranteed 4 more hours of sleep...but they aren't. See, after the 6:00 am bottle I snuggle the boys back into their crib and sneak back into my room. I slide into bed and stick my freezing cold feet on Jerry's leg to warm them up a bit. I close my eyes and hear a creek...and then pattering on the floor as one of the two "big kids" appears at my bedside. Usually (and thankfully) Nate is first. I can pull him up into bed and plop him in between Jerry and I and he will fall asleep. I may get another hour of sleep before I hear pittering and then see Danika at my bedside. If it is a dreary day I may convince her to fall back asleep for another hour...but if the sun is shining, forget about it. If I do get her to crawl into bed with me and Nate isn't fast asleep they begin fighting over who has prime real estate over my "neck picker". (neck picker = skin tag I've had on my neck for as long as I can remember that Nate has always picked at...ALWAYS...it's gotten better, but he still does it when he is tired or upset.) Danika likes to snuggle right up against me when she crawls into bed and if I can keep her from noticing Nate's arm around my neck I can get a little more sleep...but most of the time it ends up with me getting whacked in the nose as she tries to push his hand off of me and he reacts by swinging at her. Good morning to mama.

If the sun is shining when Danika makes her way to my room I am greeted with, "It's MORNING, mama. It's MOoRrNnING! Wake up! Wake up!" And that's it - I get no say in the matter. There is no extra 10/15 minutes. Danika does NOT have a snooze button.

That is usually how I end up rolling out of bed. I make it downstairs and get chocolate milk. Turn on the coffee pot (if I forgot to set it the night before - which I probably did) and turn on the TV for the kiddos. Make the formula...wash the bottles...get "big kids" snack (because they don't eat BREAKFAST right away...but something small to keep them from being too cranky. Then I spend probably 40 minutes on the computer. Mainly facebook and Google Reader - some email and then Twitter if I have time. Then it's breakfast...then they turn off the TV and play. Usually the babies are about ready to wake up, get changed and have a bottle...so that's next. It's also one of the best parts of my morning (most of the time)because my babies usually wake up happy. I hear them cooing and go up to find them both awake...and as soon as they see me...they SMILE. Not any smile but a smile that has nothing behind it but love. I get 2 huge toothless grins and sometimes even a giggle. It makes the fact that I'm 3 cups of coffee in and still exhausted just melt away. It makes the fact that I know I probably won't get to close my eyes again for at least 12 hours (after being awake for 4 already) not that big a deal. It makes me remember why I wanted another baby...it makes me a little sad that these are my last babies...and it makes me want to NEVER forget them at this age.

So, I didn't pick the book back up. Honestly, I didn't have time. I'm thinking of reading The Shack by Wm. Paul Young. I think I actually got it from my FIL, but the girls in my book club read it and say it's a must read. I also ordered a new book from Paperback Swap. If you have a lot of books hanging around and like to read you should check out Paperback Swap - if you don't already use it.

Anyway, I receive updates on The Happiness Project on my Google Reader. I came across an interview with Alexandra Levit.

I didn't really know who she was, but I found the interview interesting enough. In it she says that the one book that stood out on this subject with her is called, "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living." by Dale Carnegie. I'm thinking that it sounds right up my alley right now.

Don't get me wrong - I'm happy. Really. I love my children. I love my husband. I love my family. I love the few friends I have who I still keep in touch with and the new ones that I have made in the past 2 or 3 years. Things are a lot different than I thought they would be but they are also going to change. I fully understand that I am in a point in my life where I have little control over things. With 4 children as small as mine are it is virtually impossible for me to go anywhere by myself. I could go to my parents or Jerry's parents....but that's about the extent of my travels. That will change - eventually. I keep thinking that, ideally the "older" two will be able to help me with the younger two when we go to...say, the mall! Eh - we'll see, but I do know that I'm not going to be stuck at home forever. I'm trying to enjoy this stage...the 5 of us trapped inside. It definitely has made this house seem like our home...a crazy, cluttered, cramped roof over our head. :)

I'm rambling again - I don't think the coffee has really kicked in, yet. I will say that I've thought of 2 things to look forward to. One is in February and one is in March...We are going to see Nick Live (it's Dora, The Wonder Pets, Ni Ho Kia Lan and The Backyardagains) with the kiddos in February. They should have blast. It will be so much fun to watch them! Jerry and I also have an honest to God date scheduled for March 17th! We are going to see Michael Buble! The tickets were Christmas presents from my mom and dad. I seriously can't wait!