Perfecting Imperfection

So yesterday I had a Mommy Day. It started around 2pm with a cut and color at JCPenny. I actually feel like a real human being again. My roots were getting really bad and the ends of my hair were so split and dry - I look a million times better. :)

I also got to go out for 3 hours in the evening and hang out with some mom friends. My friend Christina had decided to start a mom's group - for us to get out one night a month and talk to other moms. It was a ton of fun. I had 2 glasses of wine and relaxed and laughed and had a wonderful time.

When I came home Nate and Danika were asleep and the babies had just been fed. I got to relax a little more before bed. The night wasn't great - the boys are still having trouble sleeping in their co-sleeper and keep finding their way into our bed...which is driving me nuts for so many reasons - but I'm too tired to deal with. I'm thinking it may be time to put them in their crib. I'm dreading making 90 trips to their room each night, though. UGH.

This weekend we will be getting the babies baptized. I'm looking forward to it being over. I know that is an awful thing to say - but a lot of "things" have been going on around here and I need to focus on getting things in order before I go back to work. I'm looking forward to getting out of the house and going back, but I also know that it's gonna take a bit for me to get everything together to do it. I also don't plan parties well - and I get nervous (really nervous) about having everything be perfect. My mom and mom-in-law have been doing most of the planning and getting everything together - which is wonderful and stressful at the same time. It's great that I don't have a lot to worry about - but stressful that I don't know if everything is ready.

It'll be over before I know it - and then I will have to get things together for the next event. The next 3 months are chalk full of them!

I almost posted a blog post yesterday - almost. I was so frazzled and insanely tired it would have been nothing but a string of complaints. I would have told you all about how I got NO sleep because the twins decided they wanted to party like rock stars into the wee hours of the morning...right up to the moment their brother and sister (my toddlers who actually sleep through the night!) woke up. Then I would have complained about the fact that my 3 year-old (soon to be 4 year-old) son was out of control yesterday. He cried and screamed. He threw tantrums over nothing - seriously...nothing I could do would make him calm down. After complaining about my eldest son, I would have gone into a long and boring explanation about my daughter's personal issues. Basically, she's having trouble going poop. Yes, I said poop. Come on...it's a mom blog - don't they all mention poop at some point? My daughter has had problems with this for almost a year now - and when she doesn't go for a few days she gets miserable. Yesterday was that day.

So, it was everything all at once and I was too tired to deal with it. At one point I was standing in the middle of my living room while my 3 year-old sat on the couch screaming and crying. My 2 year-old was also crying (but not screaming) and my newborn was whining because he needed changed and fed. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and counted to 10. I reminded myself that I could do this - I had to do this because no one else was here to do it anyway. I picked up the newborn and changed him. By the time I started feeding him, my toddlers had stopped crying. After I finished feeding him, I moved on to his brother and changed and fed him. In about 40 minutes I had 2 happy (and well fed) babies and 2 toddlers who were actually playing nicely together. As a bonus, Danika pooped - twice. :)

I guess that kind of proves that I can do this. Obviously, it isn't going to be easy all the time. But it'll be worth it in the end.

Last night we actually got a little sleep. It was wonderful. Even though my babies did wake up every 3 hours to eat, they slept for 3 hours at a time and I did, too. Even though my daughter was up in my room 3 or 4 times and my husband and I had to carry her back into her room and put her back to bed - she never cried. Once she even looked at me with her big brown eyes and said, "Mommy, you lay down with me in my bed. Just for a little bit." It was so sweet I had to. My little Dean actually laughed out loud in his sleep while I was holding him, too. It was perhaps the sweetest sound I've ever heard - and it made the previous day's problems melt away.

I was quite pleased with myself that I was able to really see how wonderful and beautiful my children are after such a trying night/morning/afternoon. I was happy that I did keep it together. I know I didn't have much of a choice, but I also know I could have done a lot worse than I did.

I'm sure this isn't the last time I will be closing my eyes and counting to 10. I'm sure it's not the last time I will feel overwhelmed and tired. I'm also sure that I will get by - I will survive. :) It's a great feeling to know that I'll be okay...not that I ever really thought otherwise, but it's nice to have the reassurance.

I know there is a total of about 3 people who actually read my blog, but I thought I'd throw this out there anyway. These are pictures taken by my friend, Shannon. You can look at some of her other work at www.sofabean.com/blog and if you are in the area you can have her come take beautiful pictures of your kiddos (or just about anything else)!

You can see more of the pics she took of my kids on my facebook page - here.

Two and a half weeks ago I got up early in the morning and headed down to Forbes Regional Hospital to have a scheduled c-section and meet my twin boys. Everything went as planned and Dean Arthur and David Jerome were born 1 minute apart at 10:30 and 10:31 am. Dean was the first one out and weighed a whooping 8lbs even. David was the second one (which makes him my baby baby) and weighed only 5lbs 15oz. We knew there was going to be a size difference all along - we also knew there was nothing to really be worried about with it.

After getting all "cleaned-up" in the OR, we headed down to the room. I don't remember a lot about the time immediately after they were born. I know my parents and Jerry's mom were all there and found their way down to the room shortly after we got there. I wasn't feeling all that great the first night. Jerry stayed with me, but I had to stay in bed the whole time. I was sore and couldn't feel a whole lot below my waist for a while. The next few days would be much better.

I really really enjoyed my hospital stay. I enjoyed having someone else feed me. I enjoyed having someone else watch the boys while I slept for a few hours. Most of all, though, I enjoyed getting to know my two new sons without anyone else around. I enjoyed being with them and bonding with them while my other children were having the time of their lives with their grandparents. :)

Since coming home things have gotten interesting. My hormones are all out of whack...although they seem to be getting better. My c-section incision isn't healing as fast/easily as I would like it to. I don't sleep much and I am constantly telling my 3 and 2 year-old to stay away from their brothers. Now that Jerry has gone back to work, I'm on my own during the days...and it's a little scary sometimes.

I have to hand it to my husband, though. He really really stepped up when he was off and has continued to do an awesome job helping out with the kids - especially with Nate and Danika at bedtime. I'm soo proud of him and have no doubts that we are going to be just fine.

It's funny but I already have that feeling like I don't remember what life was like before the twins got here. I already feel like they have always been part of our family. I know that it's because they are both such a perfect fit and I am so madly in love with both of them. They really have stolen my heart.

These babies will be my last babies - yes, we are sure and it is final and permanent. I won't be having any more children. It makes me kind of sad - but it also helps me to appreciate this time with my newborns even more. I don't mind the 1 am feedings as much...I don't mind changing 20 diapers a day...I don't mind the little things because once they stop it's over. When I give my 0-3 month clothes away this time I won't be needing them back...I'm okay with it. I'm ready to move on to the next stage of my life...but I'm still kind of sad that I won't be making anymore new life. My job now is to make the lives I've already created happy and full of love.