Perfecting Imperfection

Pretty interesting, huh?  I can't take credit for it, though.  That quote comes from Gretchen Rubin's book "The Happiness Project".   You may remember that I mentioned I was reading it for my book club in the month of July.  I'm still not done with it.  Book club was Monday and the general consensus was that the book was worth reading and very inspiring - but also kind of tough to just breeze through.  Some people had a hard time reading a lot of it at once because it really does have the feel of a book you can pick up and read a little bit of and then a little more later and jump around if you want.  It's not one of those books that you HAVE to read in order cover to cover.  A "bathroom book" as my friend, Chris, put it.  Other people had a tough time finishing it because they wanted to read it a certain way - and life was preventing them from doing that.  I think I probably would fall into both categories.  I did have trouble reading it for long periods of a time - but I also wanted to really get everything I could out of it and made sure I was reading when I could give it my full attention...there aren't a lot of times like that around here!!  :)

Anyway - I was reading more of the book (I'm in September now - so I'm ALMOST done!) last night when I was trying to put Dean to sleep.  We were both laying in my bed and I started thinking about how big he is getting and how fast this is going.  Gretchen's voice echoed in my head - "The days are long but the years are short."  So, I put the book down and tickled my "baby boy" just to listen to him laugh.  Then, I snuggled with him and tried really hard to make a mental note of how soft he was...how sweet he smelled...how innocent he looked...and how much I loved him at that very moment.  It's almost a year since my twins were born!  I can't believe it...it went SO fast!  I started thinking about endings...I don't want to sound morbid or anything, but I'm getting ready to end a stage in my life...and start a new one.  For some reason, though, it's the ending that hits me hard.  I'm not as excited about the beginning of the new stage, yet.  It's actually 2 things that are coming to an end.

First, my "babies" will no longer be only X number of months old.  I will never really have to tell someone my child is 11 months old...they will be 1 YEAR old.  I know...I know...the month thing usually lasts until about 18 months...but I could opt to say, "He was 1 on September 4th".

Second, Nate is starting school 5 days a week.  I'm THRILLED for him!  He is going to LOVE school.  He is so smart and will be able to be challenged at school in ways that I can't really challenge him at home because we are so busy all the time.  He will LOVE learning new things.  He will be excited about "homework".  He can't wait.  However, him going to school 5 days a week ends our lazy mornings together.  I'm going to miss him in the mornings.  Even when he went to school 2 days a week last year it was in the afternoon.  He still had his lazy mornings and I spent afternoons with him because he was in my class.  This year he will have to be up and ready to go around 8:45 at the latest and I will have to "share" him with more people.  Then next year - Kindergarten!!!  Thinking about this is probably the reason I've let him wear his pajamas for most of the day the last 2 days...

I wonder if it's part of my personality to think about endings instead of beginnings?  I wonder if it is the sign of the true pessimist (which I work hard not to be but am not entirely sure I have any control over)?  I think it's something that I will be able to add to my own Happiness Project once I start it.  "Think in beginnings instead of endings"  He's starting his school career NOT ending his carefree mornings.  They are turning into toddlers NOT leaving the world of baby behind.  It could work...but I think I'll still have that little voice that whispers, "You know...You know the truth."  Stupid voice...

As a sort of side note, I went to my PCP yesterday to discuss how my depression is going.  I told him that I'm not crying anymore for no reason.  I told him that I am so very grateful for that because it was truly a miserable feeling.  I also explained that I still didn't feel quite right.  Oddly enough, he described it better than I could...I was kind of apathetic.  That is the PERFECT description!  So...we are complimenting my SSRI with another antidepressant.  Apparently, the two go together nicely and I should be feeling more like myself again soon.  :)