Perfecting Imperfection

but I plan on enjoying next week to the fullest of my ability.  I have high hopes for our "stay-cation" but I'm also open to being quite flexible.  You have to be flexible when you have 11 month old twins, a 3 year old and a 4 year old to contend with.  However, tomorrow is the last day I will be wrestling with these little buggers by myself in the morning  for an entire week!  It will also be the most Jerry and I will be home together since the twins were born.  I'm looking forward to just enjoying the week - come what may.  I want to take a lot of pictures with my crappy camera (I really, really need a better camera).  I want to write quick notes about what the momentous moments were - funny things the kids say - all the things that make me smile...I'll leave out the times I want to rip my hair out ~ I have high hopes, but I'm not unrealistic!  :)  I want to throw them all together in a Snapfish photo book or something of the like.  I want to capture this week because my kids will never be this age together again and we'll never have a full week with nothing to do as a family with our kids this age again.

We do have some plans.  We have some out of town relatives coming up to see us (they say they want to see us but I know they really want to see our babies!  hehehe).  We also have a trip to Kennywood Park planned for one day...the zoo another...maybe the Carnegie Science Center another day or the Pittsburgh Children's Museum.  Wednesday is our stay at home day (although I may sneak out with my bigger kids to the pool and meet my friend, Jody and her kiddos).

Now that I've told you what our tentative plans are...you will just have to wait and see how it all plays out.  Hopefully, I will have some time to catch you up on what is going on...but if I don't you can expect a lengthy blog post the following week.  :)

Oh...and before I go I would like to rant about Verizon Wireless for a minute.  They have the best coverage in the area.  I know that.  But they haven't been very accommodating to me as of late.  My husband is the primary number on our account and I am the secondary.  They offered him a great deal to switch from his BlackBerry Storm (which has been NOTHING but trouble from the first month) to a Droid.  I also have a BlackBerry Storm (I'm actually getting my 3rd one because I've had it replaced twice already because the touchscreen wasn't working once and because I couldn't get any text messages another time) but they wouldn't give me the same deal on the Droid because I'm not the primary line.  The thing is it just doesn't make sense for Verizon to not give me some kind of deal on a Droid...maybe I sound like I'm whining a bit (you didn't see me pouting and stomping my feet around like a 3 year old yesterday!) but I'm not asking for a free one.  I just want a discount...because retail price is too much for this part-time working momma.  I think we've been pretty loyal customers and give them enough money monthly for us to get a bit of a break.

Truth be told, it would be cheaper for me to pay the $175 deactivation fee and then get my own plan (with a Droid for $149) than it would be to pay full retail price.  I could also just get one off of Ebay with all the accessories - I saw one with the car mount and a docking station for like $285.  I've even thought about switching carriers and trying to snag an iPhone...worth it?  Either way, I will probably be doing one of those things and selling the Storm they are sending me.  Don't suppose any of you are interested in a smartphone that is truly a Pain in the A**?  :)

Pretty interesting, huh?  I can't take credit for it, though.  That quote comes from Gretchen Rubin's book "The Happiness Project".   You may remember that I mentioned I was reading it for my book club in the month of July.  I'm still not done with it.  Book club was Monday and the general consensus was that the book was worth reading and very inspiring - but also kind of tough to just breeze through.  Some people had a hard time reading a lot of it at once because it really does have the feel of a book you can pick up and read a little bit of and then a little more later and jump around if you want.  It's not one of those books that you HAVE to read in order cover to cover.  A "bathroom book" as my friend, Chris, put it.  Other people had a tough time finishing it because they wanted to read it a certain way - and life was preventing them from doing that.  I think I probably would fall into both categories.  I did have trouble reading it for long periods of a time - but I also wanted to really get everything I could out of it and made sure I was reading when I could give it my full attention...there aren't a lot of times like that around here!!  :)

Anyway - I was reading more of the book (I'm in September now - so I'm ALMOST done!) last night when I was trying to put Dean to sleep.  We were both laying in my bed and I started thinking about how big he is getting and how fast this is going.  Gretchen's voice echoed in my head - "The days are long but the years are short."  So, I put the book down and tickled my "baby boy" just to listen to him laugh.  Then, I snuggled with him and tried really hard to make a mental note of how soft he was...how sweet he smelled...how innocent he looked...and how much I loved him at that very moment.  It's almost a year since my twins were born!  I can't believe it...it went SO fast!  I started thinking about endings...I don't want to sound morbid or anything, but I'm getting ready to end a stage in my life...and start a new one.  For some reason, though, it's the ending that hits me hard.  I'm not as excited about the beginning of the new stage, yet.  It's actually 2 things that are coming to an end.

First, my "babies" will no longer be only X number of months old.  I will never really have to tell someone my child is 11 months old...they will be 1 YEAR old.  I know...I know...the month thing usually lasts until about 18 months...but I could opt to say, "He was 1 on September 4th".

Second, Nate is starting school 5 days a week.  I'm THRILLED for him!  He is going to LOVE school.  He is so smart and will be able to be challenged at school in ways that I can't really challenge him at home because we are so busy all the time.  He will LOVE learning new things.  He will be excited about "homework".  He can't wait.  However, him going to school 5 days a week ends our lazy mornings together.  I'm going to miss him in the mornings.  Even when he went to school 2 days a week last year it was in the afternoon.  He still had his lazy mornings and I spent afternoons with him because he was in my class.  This year he will have to be up and ready to go around 8:45 at the latest and I will have to "share" him with more people.  Then next year - Kindergarten!!!  Thinking about this is probably the reason I've let him wear his pajamas for most of the day the last 2 days...

I wonder if it's part of my personality to think about endings instead of beginnings?  I wonder if it is the sign of the true pessimist (which I work hard not to be but am not entirely sure I have any control over)?  I think it's something that I will be able to add to my own Happiness Project once I start it.  "Think in beginnings instead of endings"  He's starting his school career NOT ending his carefree mornings.  They are turning into toddlers NOT leaving the world of baby behind.  It could work...but I think I'll still have that little voice that whispers, "You know...You know the truth."  Stupid voice...

As a sort of side note, I went to my PCP yesterday to discuss how my depression is going.  I told him that I'm not crying anymore for no reason.  I told him that I am so very grateful for that because it was truly a miserable feeling.  I also explained that I still didn't feel quite right.  Oddly enough, he described it better than I could...I was kind of apathetic.  That is the PERFECT description!  So...we are complimenting my SSRI with another antidepressant.  Apparently, the two go together nicely and I should be feeling more like myself again soon.  :)

Miss me?  hehehe

I have about 25 minutes until I have to start getting ready for a meeting that I am having for work tonight...so, I thought I'd visit with an old friend, my blog.  It seems like I haven't had enough time to keep in touch lately, but I know you all understand.  Right now, though, my dear husband has taken my 4 children over to his mother's house to play with their cousins and I am enjoying the silence.  It's actually been that kind of a day - I went to work and got to look at a ton of children's books.  I LOVE children's books.  I love books in general, but there is something wonderful about reading a book out loud to my kids.  I love reading out loud, too.  I always thought I would love to be a voice on a cartoon or Disney movie or read books on tape.  Anyway...so I was at work all day today and they are letting me go back tomorrow!  How funny is it that going to work almost feels like going on vacation to me?!?  I enjoyed talking to adults today and not having to break up any fights or frantically run someone up to the potty or get another bottle/glass of chocolate milk.  I'm going to enjoy doing it or should I say not doing it tomorrow, too!

So, since we have a little bit of time to chat I thought I would just write about something going on right now.  I contemplated telling you all the exciting stuff that has been going on for the last few weeks that we haven't talked - like about how my aunt bought me the Amazon Kindle that I wanted, or that both boys are now crawling and David is even testing his ability to stand without holding on to something.  I thought about mentioning things like the wedding I went to a few weekends ago and what a wonderful time I had spending time with Jerry "kid-free" or what an amazing time I had at my Mommy Group meeting when we went to the Olive Garden for dinner and hung out at Starbucks until after 11pm.  However, it's just too much to get into and the clock is ticking.

I'm currently reading the book, The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin.  I have less than a week to finish it for my book club...which I think I should be able to do.  I'm enjoying it, but it isn't what I expected.  I am planning on doing my own happiness project . . . but I think I'm going to try to start in January.  That gives me plenty of time to really figure out what I want to do and hopefully get ready for it.  I really want to give it the thought an attention that it deserves...I've come to realize lately that I don't think about myself enough.

I know all the reasons I'm not thinking of myself enough.  I'm busy.  My life is a whole lot easier if I think about other people first right now.  The babies needs are first because they just can't do for themselves...and if they aren't happy, I'm not happy.  The other kids also need things that they just can't do right now or things that I don't let them do for fear of the messes that I will have to clean up after they are done.  However, I think this is part of a lot of the problems that I have been having lately.  I'm hoping that I will be able to find a balance...take time for myself but still find time for everyone else, too.  It's going to be a struggle, I know.  It isn't going to happen overnight and chances are I will feel a tiny bit guilty if I start thinking of myself first in some situations.  I know I'm a good mother.  I know that my children are healthy and happy - which is THE most important thing in the world to me.  I know that I will always do what I can to make sure they stay healthy and happy.  I also know that it's going to be very important that I am healthy and as happy as I can be - because an unhealthy and unhappy mommy CAN'T do everything that she needs to.

So, I'll let you know more about the book after book club and I'll keep you posted on what I decide about my Happiness Project.  I'm really anxious to get started on it...but I want to be successful, so I think it will require a little more planning than just jumping in and not thinking things through.

Off to take a nice hot shower!  :)

It has all the hook ups we could possibly need.  It has internet connection.  It has the most amazing picture I have EVER seen (LED/LCD something or other)!  I swear the movies look like soap operas...you know that "you are in the room with them" feel.  It's CRAZY!!!  The bonus...we have 3 years INTEREST FREE to pay it off and my hubby got a 4 year warranty with it!  Plus, I got an awesome new Blu-Ray player, too!  I'm so looking forward to my 28 minutes this afternoon!  We watched The Hangover (Thanks, Chris!) last night and I was amazed at the quality...and how much cuter Bradley Cooper is in High Def!  :)