Perfecting Imperfection

So...I'm having my twins sometime in the next 9 days. I'm not ready. I know this. I don't think there is anything in the world that could happen that would prepare me for what is about to happen. I am scared - but getting so very excited, too!

Today I went for a non-stress test at the hospital. My mom took me (she took me for Swedish Fish Italian Ice at Rita's after, too!) to my OB appointment and then to the NST. Both went well - nothing new to report. While we were having the NST done, there was a newborn baby in the next room crying and crying. I felt awful that the baby was crying so desperately, but the sound did get me excited to see my little ones.

Last night, Jerry and I were watching an episode of Deliver Me and we saw 3 babies being born. I looked at them and thought, "I have 2 of those inside me right now..." It was a really bizarre thought. The one mother had twins who were actually 2 weeks behind where I am right now. So, my babies are probably bigger than hers were!

I am excited - and scared, like I said...but most of all I'm anxious to see what these 2 are going to look like and how they are going to make our family even more blessed. :)

I can't believe it's been a month since I posted a blog post...then again I'm sure that it isn't going to become a more frequent occurrence once the twins make their appearance. I had a doctor appointment yesterday - and a non-stress test. Both were fine, but to tell you the truth I'm miserable. I'm trying very hard to not be...but I am just so sore and achy and not sleeping.

I could probably make a huge checklist of all the ways that this whole pregnant with twins thing stinks...but I'm trying to stay positive and focus on all the wonderful things that are going on. That being said...here's a little checklist of some fuzzy positive things.

1) Jerry use to always get frustrated when I wanted him to put his hand on my belly and feel a baby move and I can't blame him. It seemed like every time he would the baby would stop moving. With the twins, though, he's been able to feel them moving when we are sitting on the love seat together every night. He smiles while putting his hand on my belly and I know he "gets it" now. He has felt little movements, big ones and those creepy, alien ones, too!

2) I know I am having a c-section with these little ones. If I don't go into labor on my own before I'm 38 weeks, then they will perform a scheduled c-section. It's nice to have a goal. I remember with my other pregnancies being so excited to reach my due date...and then realizing that the due date really doesn't mean the baby will be here by then. I do know, however, that the babies will be here (hopefully by September 5th) and that makes all the crap kind of worth it.

3) I also know that this will be the last time I'm pregnant. I can't imagine having 4 kids (but I will) and we have decided not to push our luck any more than we already have! I mean, twins (or more) are a lot more common after you have already had them...so we are done. That being said, I'm trying to enjoy this last month of being pregnant - spending some quiet time alone with my babies in my belly and just taking extra note of what it is like to be alone...but not alone. :)

4) Not everyone gets to have twins. A lot of people romanticize about having them - a lot of people secretly hope for them. I can honestly say the thought never crossed my mind. I wasn't one of those people. I NEVER thought it would happen to us. I NEVER dreamed about it or really really wanted it. It's not that I don't want to have twins...it's just that I know it's going to be a lot of hard work. It's going to be a lot of long nights. It's not something that I ever really thought possible, so I didn't wish for it. It's not something you can really control. Nate and Danika are close in age (and they won't be that much older than the twins!) and they play together - and fight - and I know they don't really know what to do when the other one isn't around. I know the twins will be the same way...I'm excited that they will all have each other to lean on...annoy...and support through all the things that they are going to go through.

5) I'm going to meet my babies soon. It's an amazing thing when you have one baby growing in your belly and then you finally get to meet him/her. I get to meet 2 new babies...and they are mine! I'll get to fuss over how they are different and learn each of their little personalities. I get twice the snuggles and twice the cuddles. :)

All in all, I know how lucky and blessed I am. I know that this is the hardest part I've faced up to this point. I also know that this isn't going to last forever and that I'm going to fall head over heels in love when these babies get here...then all of the aches and pains will be just a memory.